More SXSW advice from my pal Vic Krothe. He's big on traffic tips:

'Parking is going to suck. Period. Get where you're going and stay there, if at all possible, or run the risk of losing your precious spot. If you end up parking under the bridge downtown (sorry, I wasn't trying to reference RHCP) AVOID walking to/from the car alone. In the past year there have been numerous muggings, attacks, random acts of violence there.'

OK. So, parking's going to be bad. Hear that Irene? (Our technical director will also be our wheelwoman.) But will we really have to abandon our vehicle? Continue, Vic...

'Keep in mind that Texas is world renowned for it's psychotic drivers. Don't take for granted that people are respectful of their fellow motorist, mindful of your well being, etc. on the highway. If someone is riding your tail in any lane, they most likely expect you to shift lanes and let them pass, which is the ONLY way to shake them, I'm afraid. Also, avoid giving someone the eye or using a gesture, rude, obscene, or otherwise. Road rage happens in Texas, unfortunately even in Austin, and in some parts of the Lone Star State it's even considered a sport. We're trying to get the old South to stay in Houston, but they keep escaping.'

Sheesh! This is getting scary. Why didn't anyone tell me that SXSW is like a scene from 'The Road Warrior?' Do I need to stockpile gasoline? Install a nitro switch in our rental car? Become a post-apocalyptic vigilante?

'Be careful on the drinking/driving thing. They have mobile DWI units set up all over the city, unmarked cars, motorcycles, undercover cops in bars, on the street, etc. Austin has really started cracking down on festival over-indulgers. Just keep in mind that Texas cops are particularly bummed around festival time for all the extra hours they're putting in. They're usually itching for some action, and drunks are the most lucrative action around.'

This is the most sensible thing Vic's said so far. It's advice no one should need to be told, but SXSW's reputation as a boozy bacchanal is somewhat legendary. So, as the 'Hill Street Blues' desk sergeant said, let's be careful out there.