Twelve-year-old Déjà Palmer lives with her mother and twin brother on the Lower East Side. She’s a good student at Tompkins Square Middle School, and she’s very active in an after-school program for kids who are strong in math and another program for dance and theater. But like many kids her age, Déjà is spending a lot more time lately wondering about relationships.
“I definitely feel like couples have blossomed and it’s been a bigger thing,” she said, adding that many of her friends are dating now. Some are kissing but for the most part she said it’s nothing serious.
She has a boyfriend, but she said that doesn’t mean she’s in love.
“I wouldn’t say that we are like a teenage couple, honestly, we don’t act like one. I think we are pretty much age-appropriate," she said. "We don’t talk nasty to each other or dirty to each other in a sexual way, you know. We hug, we hold hands. We have little moments, but it’s not like we’re making out and sucking faces and we actually haven’t kissed.”
Despite some peer pressure to kiss, she agrees with her mom that 12 is too young to get that involved. She also wondered if it's too soon for some kids to know their sexual identity because several girls at school have declared they’re bisexual.
"I don’t really know if they’re serious about it or if they’re just using it, that excuse for attention," she said.
Déjà is meticulous about her appearance. She plans out her hair styles for every day of the week. She has a list of resolutions on the bright blue wall of her bedroom, one of which is “no boy drama.”
Looking ahead, Déjà said she sometimes worried about how life will change when she gets older.
"I love how my life is now just because it’s not like so much pressure," she explained, referring to responsibility and expectations. She also knows there will be more pressure on her in relationships with boys. "That scares me because when you get older people expect you to act differently and think differently. And I don’t really know how I’m going to change."