Host Intro: This year marks the 20th anniversary of WNYC’s Radio Rookies program. In the coming weeks, we will be airing stories from their latest workshop—mostly hearing from very recent immigrants to the United States. Today, a story from an 18 year who has struggled with profound shyness her whole life. Ndioubou Sarr is from Senegal. She wants to make close friends, but instead she winds up feeling awkward and on the outskirts.
Ndioubou: At my after school job at a home for old people. I want to have conversations with my coworkers but usually they are the ones talking and I just listen. I can’t seem to find the words to join in the conversation, instead I might pick up my phone just to look busy.
coworker: “we were there…”
Ndioubou: There are lots of Senegalese students at my school. And you are probably thinking I am lucky because we speak the same language and maybe I will have an easier time making friends with them, but it is still tough for me.
Mame: I always have a high self confidence. I believe in myself in everything I do.
N’dioubou: why?
Mame: Why, I don’t know actually. I’m not sure about why. Everything I do in my life, I see it positively
Ndioubou: My friend Mame is the opposite of me, but the way I want to be. I met Mame the first day she came to our school.
Mame: I saw Ndoubou, Ndiobou is very scary.
Ndioubou: She said I looked scary.
Mame: I approached you to ask some questions, to get to know each other… do you remember that day?
Ndioubou: you were telling me I’m scary but I’m like how?
Mame: She looked angry!
Ndioubou: Even though I felt a little offended and hurt, I am glad that she told me that because I wasn’t aware of it. Maybe that’s one of the reasons I don’t have many friends. People may just look at my face and think, “Wow she looks angry, I do not think she will be interested in making friends with me.”
After she told me that I tried to change my face to be a little bit smiley. I notice if I smile someone will say hi. It feels good but actually becoming friends takes more than that.
Ndioubou: Hello Maty how are you
Maty: I’m good Ndoubou, how are you?
Ndioubou: Maty is Senegalese like me and she is tall and skinny, like me. But she mostly grew up here.
Maty: I was extremely shy, i wouldn’t speak. At some points I would be too scared to speak period.
Ndioubou: I was so shocked by that because she seems so confident.
Maty: That was from part of my experience. Immigration is not easy. The only way you know this… Let’s say you take someone from here, who has never left never been to Africa throw them there, even if you put their family with them, they all have a time they need to adjust.
Ndioubou: I was shy in Senegal, but it hurts me more here. I never had the opportunity in my country to participate in new things. Here, everything is new And every time I am experiencing something new, I freeze and I worry. I asked Maty how she was able to change.
Maty: I think the first step is to accept it. Don’t be hard on yourself, like “I should be doing this, why do I get so nervous.” You’re going to put more pressure on yourself.
Ndioubou: But I can’t accept my shyness and anxiety. There is an extrovert inside me. In my mind and my heart, I want to be talkative, friendly and outgoing, like my true personality is just hidden by my shyness. Maybe there is nothing wrong with being shy. but what it leads to for me is feeling shaky, or like I want to cry. I know that if I don’t speak people will think I’m not interested in them.
Ndiobou (at school): hello my friend how are you doing?
Ndioubou: so I’m trying hard to talk more with people even though it is challenging. For most of the school year, there was only a little change.
Then a Senegalese girl at my school started texting me, saying “Hi Bae!” or “miss you.” Sokna made me feel special, that’s something I always wanted, a friend who cares about me. She ended up uniting a group of us.
Ndioubou: Hi Bestie! How are you doing?
Sokna: I’m good and you?
Ndioubou: Sokna says we all influenced each other, each of us became more confident.
Sokna: Like more confident… and how to live a life with a person.
Ndioubou: In June, five of us went to the prom together. I knew before from watching people who have friends how happy they look and I always wanted that. Now, I have that same feeling.
Ndioubou (talking with friends): I don’t have this video
Ndioubou: Remember my friend Mame, who said I used to look angry? She’s also in our group.
Mame: How did you feel that day?
Nioubou: I felt so happy. I never felt this way. I am so happy I met you. I am so grateful I found you guys
Mame: That’s good.
Ndioubou: It is like God gave them to me as a gift because I have so desperately wanted friends for a long time. But all of that is changing now. I am going to be far away from my new friends, my family and I are moving to Ohio. And I might have to go through the same struggle again.
Mame: You will have the chance to make new friends. I mean it’s true that we can’t replace each other.
Ndioubou: it’s going to be hard to meet someone like you guys.
Ndiobou: When I start school in Ohio, I’m going to smile and say hi and start conversations with people. I will just have to try harder than ever before. And I hope some of the people I meet in Cincinnati will see how difficult it is for me and they will try to include me.
