This episode is from the WNYC archives. It may contain language which is no longer politically or socially appropriate.
A discussion of neurosis during childhood, at times the result human child's total dependence on adults.
Temperament is a property of the newborn infant that cannot be accounted for, however all infants have some physical and psychological commonalities. Namely, the dependence on others to survive.
Lack of comprehension of limits can lead to neurosis. Personal relationships help the human child learn of limits and mutual relationships. Parents are vital in helping the child find his real self. It is important that children aren't coddled and allowed to do for themselves. Some parents make the mistake of isolating their child. The growing child needs relationships.
The violent parent may also engender neurosis. Aggression in parents may produce a "weakling" child.
Other complaints include a lack of interest on the part of the father. Discussion of troubled sons and their fathers.
Discussion of children who are pressed into chores or work if there is economic strain, causing them to miss out on play and extracurricular activity. Speaker goes on to note that children develop strategies to deal with strain.
Audio courtesy of the NYC Municipal Archives WNYC Collection
WNYC archives id: 69382
Municipal archives id: LT660
This is a machine-generated transcript. Text is unformatted and may contain errors.
The distinguishing characteristic of human beings is the relatively long period in childhood of physical dependence on adults for life it is out of this early dependence on others that social organization develops neurosis can also develop out of these early relationships Rosa's is essentially a way of life which arises out of living. Neurotic trends are efforts to secure some measure of unity and safety and neurotic symptoms are a consequence of such efforts the premise for the statements is that all organisms tend to grow and maintain a unity and continuity of themselves is prime as might seem to be contradicted by the hectic self destructive pace of so many individuals who burn the candle at both ends however analysis has shown that destructiveness is a consequence of an effort to live or to gain a feeling of Alive ness broader than an inherent trend toward pain and death and other crime as we must make is that human beings are in their essence social organisms needing usual relationships with other humans in order to live. The two premises we have stated and provide the basis from which we may determine the development of the personality. Another personality or character structure is the dynamic synthesis of efforts made by human beings in the process of living. It is through these efforts that an individual tries to define his real self in terms of strengths and limitations and begins to find his integrity and his relatedness. Now in practice how does this process go on this effort to establish inner unity as well as mutual relationships. It's important that we recognize the personality the neurotic as well as the healthy not as a static thing not as disease or a lack of disease but as a process which is constantly going on to effect the two ends mentioned below. Such a conception seems not only to be in accord with the truth but it is also more optimistic in terms of prevention and correction of neurosis temperament is a property of the newborn infant for which we cannot account but whatever the temperament lively or sluggish all infants have certain physical and psychological qualities in common he has an absolute dependence on others and is completely helpless if it were not for his relationships and his capacity to grow into a mutually related creative person he wouldn't survive. The period of childhood is crucial for the development of the personality at this time changes of great magnitude occur from relatively slight influence of. The dependent and boundless nature of the infant makes it imperative that psychological alterations occur if he is going to become a whole hearted member of the community. Lack of definition of the self is held responsible for this boundlessness of the infant. Evidence to indicate what this means comes from observations made of the child's conception of the universe and his use of language for example the explanation of movement outside himself is at first not comprehend it as such but as a property of himself later he will attempt to scale precarious fences not out of bravado or courage but because he does not know his own limits or the power of outside forces such as gravity. Lack of comprehension of limits applies in interpersonal relations as well the only the child only asks for what he needs to live it has been said that there is a childish missions and omnipotence this does not mean that the child is a little Napoleon or a wild untamed beast who must be trained and curb he will make demands until they are fulfilled all until he experiences reality he will not give credit to forces more powerful than himself until he knows their power in relation to himself he will operate as if he could move the sun but when he knows that his own movements have limits and that other people and outside forces have independent motion to only then will he be checked we understand values through their relatedness to ourselves the more accurately we know ourselves the more precisely we can know others this is the consequence of personal relationships and of living together. From this comes the diversity of which humans are capable to live together and alone at the same time to be an individual and have mutual relationships with others without adhering to the classical statement that there are no bad children only bad parents we must still acknowledge that it is the parents or their surrogates who are of vital importance in aiding the child in his transition from the first one differentiated dependent boundless state to one of a real self the beginning of life is essentially as follows a new organism the infant comes into an already existing and peopled world he has the potentials and the tendencies to live which are the peculiar properties of living matter of human beings of his particular hereditary organization. The world into which he comes is one of cultural patterns of history of forces and more importantly of people who also are engaged in this process of living if life is to go on this new infant and those he joins must establish some kind of a working relationship since parents in our culture are the immediate and most significant relations we can approach the question of the origin of neurosis from this angle you can see from this orientation that blame for neurosis cannot be placed on anyone if the goal of both the child and the adult is the same here we are speaking broadly of the goal to live. However the adult must be held responsible if we speak in terms of responsibility. Now let us examine in broad categories some of the major efforts parents make to live and see how these affect the growing child. You'll recall these three categories which describe basic orientations toward life moving toward away from and against evil. This can be broadened to include all problems these orientations can be described as compliance aggression and detachment. You are also aware of the fact that these movements can be healthy and that's a scary and if properly exerted comprise healthy relationships however one move is often dominant rigid and compulsive while others become repressed although effective for example a compliant individual represents a facade of geniality appeasement and closeness to people detachment and aggressiveness seem to be absent but compulsive compliance has its fee and usually bears subtle demands which dominate others quite literally this is a picture of a person who seems so accommodating whose philosophy is extremely ethical raises friendship to a virtue but who rests from his associates the strictest to be DNS. The compulsively compliant parent might say to his child you see I do everything for you therefore you must do everything for me and what is more in order that I do not have to be assertive with my demands you must anticipate them or else you are an ungrateful wretch how what happens to the child in relation to such a parent. The first implication I do everything for you is in itself a disastrous thing even if it were not accompanied by the other demands. A child is affectively prevented from experiencing his own strength or developing his own resources if he should make an effort awarded since his success would mean that the parent is useless. The next implication is this I am here ready and able to do for you and in return you must forego your own strength and initiative without a murmur. The manifestations of this are legion and are concealed beneath a host of acceptable rationalizations here as a child who wants to dress himself but is not permitted because mother can do it more neatly that is waiting for grammar is coming and is so fussy or you are too young now and if you watch me a few more times you will be able to do it perfectly yourself or children shouldn't be rushed into things and they are for them is so discouraging the need this reasoning is a need that the child be completely dependent on the parent and accepting of what he offers now when detachment is the parent's major orientation toward life the child is confronted with another obstacle to his growth this is dramatically illustrated in the case of twelve year old Helen Helen an only child wrote a letter in which she pleaded for the return of a foster sister her mother who was under the impression that she was bringing evidence which applied only to her daughter showed me two letters which began as follows Dear Mother and Father I'm writing you because you never listen when I talk I want you to bring Joan back otherwise my life is useless I know that when she was here I didn't want her but now that she is gone I want her badly. A great deal is revealed about Helen in the letter but right now we are interested in the role of her parents have played Helen's parents may have been physically present for her but obviously they were nonexistent when she wished to communicate with them it was presumed that they didn't even make the pretense of listening although the parents denied this there was all the difference in the world between listening and hearing a wall the parents erected around themselves effectively muffled Helen's every cry she could not have been more thoroughly isolated where she locked in a dungeon. A less dramatic but more common example of isolation is reflected in the child who bellows with the volume of an insistent alarm clock his parents are for practical purposes slumbering while he is meeting them. We can see how such parents affect the child when we realize that the growing child needs relationships in order that he discover his own worth and limits in a sense the child needs something outside himself against which to bang if parents are insubstantial Zephyrs he plunges into a bottomless pit hating or contacting nothing he feels alone isolated thrown on his own resources since his resources are limited and he is unrelated to others he becomes anxious and detached. That child whose parent is predominantly aggressive means other obstacles to his growth a crass example is where tenderness toward the child is never expressed or felt where the angry voice or the mailed fist expressed the only means of communication is child cannot avoid a feeling of helplessness worthlessness and fear when he measures himself by such brutality and power. There is usually a double standard a value is applied in which assertiveness is the prerogative of the adult the child may assert himself only when he is commanded to do so for instance the father will regale his family with his exploits against his school teachers when he was a boy but just let his son come home with the D.N.D. Portland in many instances aggression and assertiveness in the parents enervates the child so much that he becomes compliant and submissive becomes a weakling and a source of hurt pride to the parent. Alienation from the self from feelings of self as a result of neurosis the neurotic predominantly feels some variation of self contempt and humiliation his efforts are inevitably directed to minimize these feelings to the point of emotional deadness healthy emotions felt and expressed are significant in the following illustration from my peasant community folk way two friends a parting absence from each other will be long they sit face to face for some minutes not a word passes between them then each rises and leaves in those minutes something happened between two people and each drew strength and warmth from the other to endure the parting and the uncertainties of the absence the same feelings can transpire through a glance handshake or a deed it is during the communication of two people that each feels himself and the other mutually related to himself. I'm usually related feelings and necessary and can exist between parent and child these feelings are invited by the parent who provides those avenues which will lead the child out of his vagueness his parent will make all possibilities of contact available to his child. The child a nebulized hardly participates all responds in the first months of life his situation is similar to that of a man to in a dark unfamiliar room who uses his eyes his feet his organs of equilibrium with which to orient himself the man lessons reaches out as alms and uses his nose to seek relationships with the outside they cannot say that the child tries consciously to do these things but parents analogues to the objects in the darkroom can make these reference points of valuable to him. Our civilization is verbal and intellectual a consequence of this prevailing condition is an impaired feeling atmosphere for the child frequently One hears that an infant is so one interesting thought as the chief offenders of the following complained. That he showed little interest until Johnny was able to talk I was old enough to go to the book Game. Mothers are guilty of the same lack of interest but cultural demands often cover up for her numerous studies in institutionalized infants bring confirmation of the ravages of this deficient contact the same disaster is produced in the name natural home as well although it is often concealed by a variety of a steam disguises it was a time when child psychologist and pediatricians thought that a crying infant to be left on handle between scheduled feedings. The day we realize that the child is in need of an outside contact when he reaches out with one of his few instruments his voice should not be disregarded in this age of cliff dwellers with small apartments in city traffic the crib the carriage the playpen and the harness provide a double edged sword. Surely each of these contrivances has its use and value but the world becomes artificially constructed for the child under the guise of convenience or protection of his contacts or minimised his experiences are lessons he may become a big Croghan a little pond but he has to live in a big pond if he's going to be healthy. Destructive feelings as well as positive ones can seep out in spite of an appearance of warmth This is illustrated in the following interviews with fathers of three very disturbed adolescent boys. Each child was a disappointment to his parents and each was able to hurt his parents by expressing a sharp contempt for disrespect all the fathers complained I have done everything for my son I have given him an education finer than mine and now he gives me nothing I don't want gratitude I don't even care if he respects me but he should at least respect his mother I'd cut off my hand before I'd hit him though. The last few words were accompanied by a greeting teeth flushed face and a dramatic gesture. These are fathers who is aggressive and this is severely repressed aggressiveness is often concealed by pride in reasonableness or kindness however wrath and anger emerge from these honeyed words and cannot be hidden from the discernment of feelings. Culture can be a factor in causing neurosis. It is another relationship which influences the development of character. That to harness first book The neurotic personality of our time excellently appraises this. Before we decide what I call true as a factor though we must be careful not to externalize we must avoid seeing inner conflict of the parents and the child as being external We must bear in mind the intimate and dynamic relationship which life holds that a single unit is the synthesis of many experiences that there is an experience there as well as there are experiences if parents and those who are closest to the child in his early years are ideally healthy that child's experience with the outside world in later years could have little negative effect upon his character since this is not so external are cultural factors do have a more significant effect. Too often we encounter children who at the age of eight are little old mothers and who have been mothered themselves by the twelve year old sisters this is what one finds in large families in our present culture mother is always pregnant and children succeed each other in monotonous sequence because of ignorance of law or religion regardless of how healthy the mother was at first certain real facts prevent her from being a very effective parent father who is rarely ever able to support his large family is subjected to stresses which tax what healthy may have as each child can assume household tasks is necessarily pressed into service. He misses out in play and in important extra curricular socialising. The strain economic circumstances mean that he asked to leave school early even though he has aspirations for higher education or one of the children is chosen to go ahead the others must submerge their own wishes to live vicariously through the advancing echelon of the family. Parents who have the time frequently do not have the capacity to influence the child constructively and external experiences become more meaningful it is then that the school or the child spends a large part of his day becomes a significant factor if he lives in a city like New York he is one of a tremendous class and may experience the relationship of as many as five teachers in one year a positive quality he may gain in such a situation is minimal if his teacher is brutal and untrained he may be subjected to a definite retarding experience. Parents often blame bad company for the delinquency of their children they emphasize this fact that to the exclusion of all others invariably these parents have given them too little to guarantee a healthy start it was the child who chose to go with that gang but he is a lonely child and find some feeling of belonging in his game a bit of prestige then an unhealthy as it is. There is no playground for him or no Neighborhood Center worth his name perhaps. There is only an overcrowded school manned and by embittered biased and underpaid teachers it would be wrong to entirely blame such cultural factors for delinquency of a child but it would be incorrect to leave them out. Of cultural contradictions create an amplifier in a conflict they have their roots in our competitive economy in racial and religious intolerance they grant privileges to wealth intelligence is esteem as a value but it is frequently wasted by the community and passed over in favor of political expediency agents a gas that is revered but a man of forty is often threatened with the loss of his job and finds if there is no other place he can use his knowledge he sometimes discovers that he is no longer a useful member of society children are affected by these cultural patterns and contradictions. The more realistic definition of self is the process of growth toward health This process allows one's relations to others to be whole hearted and self esteem to be felt genetically the individual experiences interpersonal relations the more constructive these relationships become the healthier the personality will be. It is necessary however to point out how the growing individual continues to create an unhealthy or hostile world long after the Realistically hostile world with bread him has receded into the past. These are the wages of neurosis and the self fertilize soil which makes it flourish. As a growing child needs danger and uncertainty he must act to gain safety he learns which move has a greater likelihood of bringing the safety this of course over simplifies the matter but it is very illustrative. One child finds that compliance non assertiveness and passive a day brings down less wrath than other modes of behavior you may find that such an attitude evokes more contact with his parents in the form of rewards commendation and warmth such a movement would tend to become his major orientation toward life. Another child finds its squalling and destructiveness attracts attention even though it is a by punitive nature. The third child finds he gets little contact from his compliance or aggression but that sucking his thumb or handling his genitals makes him feel something. He will tend to detach himself from others and find satisfaction in himself. Healthy child must be able to fight or to comply or withdraw as the situation merits but when the world is hostile to him in the beginning one of the moves becomes dominant and the other's repressed it is obvious that an individual who is dominantly one or another of these three types is not going to accommodate himself easily to changing needs and relationships since the basic orientation used is vital to his safety needs it becomes an imperative and compulsive related rigid movement this way a world not hostile can become a potentially hostile on. The aggressive child will definitely bring retribution from the community a compliant child will get himself involved with people who will take advantage of him or he will attempt things which are beyond himself and the odds will then seem overwhelming to him. The detached child by his very move isolates himself from hostile elements as well as from the warmth and security that comes from being with people his two is a self-defeating rule. The preferred basic orientation to life is linked with other movements which still function even though they are oppressed or disguised and must figure in the development and maintenance of neurosis and the compliant child the appearance is of an easygoing polite and accommodating youngster but he may slyly tattle on his younger sister and plagued crashing car games the detached child who often embraces compliance as a prominent admixture may wet his bed there is gratification in his lone pursuit but it is mixed with indictive news which is directed toward the one who was inconvenienced by the wedding conflicts develop out of this matrix. And individual develops a basic orientation for safety which must be rigid and compulsive. He gains a spurious self-esteem based on that for he takes pride in his strength his courage his good nature is understanding this and his ability to get along by themselves. In addition to this there is the corollary of contempt variously expressed for those who do not share his so-called virtues. Then his needs to live with other people reality and his repressed moves become apparent and jam up this rigid pattern in this fashion a compliant child finds his hidden aggressiveness propping up and conflicting with his compliant trends. And in a conflict develops when a person discovers that he isn't as easy going as he thought he was a frantic anxiety ridden conflict develops with a realisation perhaps unconscious that the safety device for instance is compliance may not be working the individual is continually trying to maintain a measure of unity and self-esteem however spurious he finds his major solution threaten from within the mix turn allies to reduce the disintegrating effect of the conflict and say I am an easy going person but one has limits when people other people are so nasty. May resort to another course of action and subtly change the basic orientation to a more complex one for instance if aggression is covered the facade of being a good boy I may be maintained by taking pride in his ability to conceal aggression from others. In this way a pseudo unity is reestablished and anxiety is temporarily curbed. When the child attempts to cope with a hostile world he develops what horn I call strategies to gain safety. The false feeling of self which follows becomes the nucleus of character trends in the pursuit of unity the character trends which arise in relation to a hostile environment carry within themselves the possibilities for conflict and the progressive diminution of one's actual value. The resulting in our disunity causes disturbing interpersonal relations and the conjuring up of a potentially hostile world that's the individual creates within himself a world as fearsome as the one which nurtured him so inadequately in childhood and his neurosis thrives.