This episode is from the WNYC archives. It may contain language which is no longer politically or socially appropriate.
Discussion of the "development of self" among adolescents.
Influence on physical and emotional changes, and the complications of the irregularity of these changes between peers.
It is natural for youths to push against authority and form gangs with peers.
Sexual interest is natural, but violence associated with these urges is worrisome.
Detachment from self should be investigated.
Resentments of the mother.
Audio courtesy of the NYC Municipal Archives WNYC Collection
WNYC archives id: 69401
Municipal archives id: LT663
This is a machine-generated transcript. Text is unformatted and may contain errors.
Adolescence is one of the most difficult periods to know understand and work with this applies not only to the grown ups who are associated with young people but also to the adolescent himself. Mental health at any age is based on respect for oneself out of which emerges a real and healthy regard for the needs and demands of social living the first five years of a child's life are the years when this self is defined in this period the healthy child has begun to clarify what is in the self and what are the others in his environment from this time until adolescence the child is relatively stable in this definition of himself changes in the personality do occur of course but the self in relation to others has at least been defined the early years of a child's life of crucial importance in the development of self but all events thereafter are not merely repetitions of patterns already established in all life experience there is a possibility of constructive growth however changes of a destructive nature are possible too and even a healthy beginning in the first five years can be sorely tried by healthy experiences in later life. When the individual reaches the period of adolescence he has established some working relationship with himself and others based on a more or less healthy concept of himself at this time however a host of changes that car with subject this concept to Mark strain. There are changes in his relationship to himself and also in his relationships with other people these do not go on independently but each participates in a mutual relationship with the result that the character structure is strengthened or weakened. One of the difficulties we have in defining the onset and the processes which go on in the adolescent period is precisely the basis for one of the problems faced by the adolescent himself. That changes individually and as a group are Rafiq bosom companions bid each other good bye before the summer vacation exchange arrives on their buys approached and discussed the toys they will take to the country then in the fall Johnny rushes to meet Steve only to find the boy a head taller than he with a husky voice and a strange alteration on his face a few short months have wrought from Mendis physical and emotional changes in one boy and a few are no changes in the other. Would move difficult enough if the child had to deal only with the changes in his anatomy and physiology or even with the rapid or T. of these changes but the problem is complicated by the fact that these changes are so irregular from individual to individual and from one organic system to another within the same individual some children begin the changes of adolescence at ten and by twelve have undergone most of the structural changes which will occur. Others begin at the same time but the development will take longer still others begin much later and take the same fast or slow pace as those who began earlier. To further complicate the problems of the child as well as at his parents some children show a rapid and complete growth of muscle pattern and strength and a retarded development of sex characteristics for example. Because of the variability in this growth it is easy to see that even a quite healthy character structure undergoes some strain. That's three categories into which the problems of the adolescent may be placed. First the great changes which occur within him provide him with a quite unfamiliar physical and emotional being which must be integrated into the process of growth and must be related in some way to the personality he has had up to this time. Second he must make some working arrangement with other adolescents many of whom have undergone different changes from his autograph not change the top third he must deal with his parents who are often as bewildered as he by the changes they are observing. By the time he reaches adolescent The child has begun to recognise and even to make some consolidation of his position in the group he knows what to love and what hostility he can expect from the world he has probably gained some basis for the evaluation of himself he probably falls into one of the other of horn I's three categories of personality moving toward away from or against people. Or perhaps he has developed such a degree of mental health that he can approximate a moving with relationship. Then all of a sudden the world begins to rock and Quake If at first he does not experience inner changes at least some of his friends begin to talk differently and have interests which are foreign to him. His parents if they measure him against others may find him babyish and retarded and then the whole of his inner being begins to change the feeling of self he had developed wavers before the reality of the changes he is experiencing. Or before the different status in which he finds himself in the group. As a rule the change is not a reassuring one a matter how much the child is wishing to grow up a well built sturdy youngster suddenly begins to sprout in all directions or suddenly secondary sex characteristics appear which are caricature is of the vigor or charm which will develop later. There is a real task to be faced and the child faces it with the resources available these resources include the family the community and most important of all the character structure which has been established through the first decade of his life. Now adolescence move make no profound change in a constructive or destructive in the character if the child has sufficient confidence in himself and in the treatment he can expect from his environment he will be able to meet most changes accept them and integrate them into his life pattern. At any period of stress or in any changing situation even the most healthy individual of any age may arrive at some on satisfactory solution before he resolves the conflict. The adolescent is in such a predicament and in addition does not have the experience to resolve conflicts with these Therefore many of the features which we consider characteristic of the adolescent I really the gropings of individuals who are attempting to find unity within themselves. Adolescents use all psychological devices which individuals of all ages use to solve their conflicts but to external ization and living in imagination are frequently most prominent. These are the basis for the rapid expansion of the individual in encompassing the whole world and its problems into the daily thinking the adolescent applies the solution of his own problems to the problems of the whole world and the things and acts in terms of changing the world. One outstanding feature of most fairly healthy adolescence is the extreme seriousness the seriousness with which they take themselves they desire intensely to face issues realistically but have difficulties in doing so because of their rampant imaginations. They insist that their problems are not within themselves right in the environment that the solution lies in changing the environment and I was in fabulous daydreams in which everything is going to be different what bright hasn't dreamed that the girl who slighted him is now standing at the Red Rose station as he passes through town with a movie star as on what a faith is placed in the future by these youngsters. Suppressing certain aspects of his personality is another device the adolescent uses He is in turn rebellious compliant and withdrawn and the intensity with which he attempts each of these solutions makes him something of a trial to live with. Feelings of omniscience are quite evident in the adolescent this attitude a feature of the idealized image arises from basic anxiety confronted by a shattering of his previous knowledge of self and uncertain about his worth the individual made a wrecked some image of himself which is so highly idealized that it can only be achieved in imagination he strives however to realize its image thus he begins to believe that he knows all the answers and he feels that his parents are dated he often finds school much more difficult because he no longer has respect for his teachers all ideas are wrong for him and these are rejected compulsively. This tendency to question their elders views can be exasperating but it's not always destructive and challenging to rigid points of view is extremely healthy and often leads to progress in human relations but when it is compulsive It may be dangerous to the individual and to society. Forming gangs in clubs is another trait of the adolescent This may be constructive or it represents a desire to be with others of similar interest. But here too are the compulsive elements of a group influx. It may lead to destructiveness contempt for others a lot Leith healing of superiority or gang delinquency. The adolescent is trying to reestablish himself so he makes group identifications as well as individual ones fads in clothes or and dancing are typical attempts of the adolescent to establish a group pattern which will distinguish his group from all previous ones. In this way he indicates to his elders that he too has distinction and originality he is the younger generation and usually makes no bones about stating this fact proudly. Again it must be emphasized that there are constructive possibilities in these adolescent strivings even though they arise from conflict within the child and even though they prove Trying to his elders. The adolescent wants no intrusion into his thoughts and passions this desire for privacy indicates growth and also uncertainty however adults should try not to intrude since the child is doing the only healthy thing attempting to work out his own destiny this does not mean that the adult should not make themselves available if it vice is wished for nor does it mean that every individual can work out as problems alone but unless there are severe and erotic symptoms the adolescent should have thinking time either alone or with his chosen companions. The maturing of the sexual functions at this time and lead some to overemphasize the importance of the part they play in the adolescent. The sexual function does not determine the character of the individual instead the total personality determines the character of the sexual functions. And at time Michael and physical changes do occur at this time but they're not the crucial fact of adolescence of course many of the problems that challenge counters at this time have to do with sex masturbation disgusted menstruation disturbance at the need to engage in petting parties and so on and many of the complaints parents make about their children are in the field of sex however we should not be taken in by the appearance of things but my search for the deeper meaning of what seems to be in the sphere of sex. Take for example the case of a sixteen year old bride who was accused of a sexual assault on a girl investigation or the other the assault was not sexual but he confessed that he beat her he had encouraged the advances of other boys at the same time leading him to believe that he was the one and only he was a shy boy with a profound feeling of worthlessness and yet his fantasies reveal his feelings of greatness his need for perfection and his contempt for others this girl with her own neurotic need to conquer all boys deliberately set out to attract this one and then continued on to the next. His association with her counteracted his feelings of worthlessness and both had up his feelings of superiority all the other boys warned him of the girl's character he refused to believe them partly because of his contempt for them. When he could no longer ignore the fact that she was no longer his girl he lured her to a lonely spot blacked her eyes. This was not a love crazy boy he was not dominated by Mr acted sexual energies his assault was the result of his hurt pride a pride which covered a seeding mass of anxiety and hostility and self contempt sex as such played only a small part. But what about masturbation is that merely as it appears on the surface a way to rid oneself of sexual energy it may be nothing more than a healthy individual exploring to discover how its body functions or it may have other motives Take for example the way it serves a detached part. Of his satisfactions come from solitary activities such as reading daydreaming and masturbation he seems to rely on himself for gratification. He comes to live largely in imagination with the result that he builds up an idealized image which is quite different from his real self living in imagination leads to greater and greater detachment from other people and also from one thousand. There's a really a nation from self carries with it a decrease a feeling to the point where the person is emotionally dead masturbation with its vigorous stimulation and its culmination in something vital reassures the individual that something in him is alive. The psychological aspect of masturbation which is most common in adolescence is the so-called guilt which accompanies it. What happens in the person who is not compulsively driven to masturbate but is normally exploring his bodily functions. He has heard from his parents usually by innuendo that this is not a healthy or correct thing to do is learn from the set up to shift discussions of his friends that this is something one does not allow parents to know about he's been allowed to learn from a variety of sources many of them culturally determine that masturbation is wrong but he's done it and at this time when he is in a bewildering period when his values are being revised and when his whole concept of self is being tested and remodelled he is confronted with a conflict in a highly personal way he has derives satisfaction from the experience on the other hand who is he to say that he has not done something nasty or even harmful. It would take a very secure person not to develop some feelings of fear and guilt and self contempt. The adolescent has had an opportunity to develop basic anxiety and hostility and he tends to externalize this hostility to his parents so if the parents prohibit masturbation the child may consciously or unconsciously attempt to thwart them and thus a pattern of compulsive masturbation might be started. The emergence of sex forces the adolescent to realize that a whole area of anonymity will have to be abandoned. A little girl must accept or reject her role as a girl and her brother must deal with his role as a boy the sexual impulses are constant reminders of the whole system which must be adopted. We must recognize that culturally there are differences along sexual lines male nurse is a symbol of strength responsibility aggressiveness dominance femaleness is identified with the find in compliance kamma like acceptance of Bergman's in spite of the appearance of a well integrated family unit the mother may have a hidden resentment over the lack of gratification she has from her lot. The discerning child can see that the promises of freedom are less in being a woman than in being a man perhaps he also knows some women who seem to have avoided the drudgery of housework that they seen for a barn and unfulfilled. Freedom and Independence seem to be a man's lot. Added to that she has learned that menstruation is a periodic nuisance and that childbearing is painful and unrewarding becoming a functioning woman doesn't seem like a happy future to or with this outlook at the time on the farm end of adolescence is shaking the foundations of herself identification this possible that she may repress all feminine qualities and as a defense adopt many masculine traits. The marriage is rather late in America because of economic need and cultural tradition and this poses an additional problem for the adolescent. Most fathers of adolescence are in their forty's and mothers are already shaping their ages and other consequence is that there is a high value placed on you and what is more important and extremely low valuation placed on age and the virtues of experience are diminished too often the man in his forties finds himself checking his accomplishments and confronted with a greater competition finds that he does not have the security for which he has striven he begins to lose faith in himself and respect for himself. In consequence he is hardly a fit person to represent a value for his son. This is just as true with a mother the high value we place on physical appearance of beauty sexual attractiveness and so forth makes the approach of the age of forty two The practically lived doom for many women. The disturbance in the woman's relation with herself is reflected in her relationship with her husband. And with the emphasis she places on sexual attractiveness she might make her adolescence on the object of her seductiveness the adolescent girls her does not gain from a mother to whom she is a constant reminder of her fading bloom or a vehicle of compensate for her own inner emptiness. The case history of an adolescent boy I will serve to illustrate the point to be made. Paul father had worked hard but to little avail in the eyes of his wife he was a failure. Paul Her mother made no attempt to hide the fact that she considered her husband a poor excuse for a man she took an office position herself and used all her money to buy clothes he constantly spurred Paul on to achievement by pointing to his father as a horrible example from the early adolescence Paul had to listen to recycles of the qualities which a woman desires in a man. At the same time he had to hear about how to avoid the wiles of women who would try to and measure him by seducing him and trapping him into marriage by imposing on his good nature his own healthy atmosphere was heightened by the mother's unconsciously effect of appearances around the house and her neighbors A and by her request for assistance from Paul in fastening her intimate apparel. It was a confusing situation for Paul and it is little wonder that I began to see him self as a sexual object a bed made for some girl or me also had to fend off lest she have some ulterior designs on. My lower some incentive to excel his father in professional activities for practical reasons he found this impossible instead he developed his day in for all kinds of work a great feeling of being attractive to women and with some degree of poetic justice a complete and utter contempt for his mother who could not of course compete with his younger conquests. This was not a problem that began in adolescence despite the fact that at that time many manifestations became obvious. Nor is it solely a problem affects what sexuality although it is in this area that many of Paul's disturbed relationships emerged. Actually in early childhood he became a pawn in his parent's inner conflicts and their attempts to solve them a consequence of this would inevitably be that he would fail to develop themselves as an entity. Then in adolescence he is drawn more actively into the struggle of his parents. A struggle made more severe by their advancing age and their final recognition of failure. This is what happened to Paul. With a defective feeling of self and with an inner feeling of weakness and worthlessness he overdeveloped the one quality which he believed he had to a superior degree his Iraq at the track that was. He found however some of his deficiencies impossible to overcome for example in his circle of acquaintances moderate success in school work and intentions of entering college were sensual So Paul had to avoid girls from his own high school who would know that he had repeated two terms he sought friends in other parts of the city then he found that he was too old for girls still in high school and girls his age were going out with boys in college so he began to tell people that he was a college sophomore though he was only in his second term of high school with one part of himself who believe that he could have entered college except for a few bad deals from the teachers. Then came the war and Paul had to lie again to explain why he was not in service actually he was not old enough but he had told so many girls that he was eighteen and he could not avoid the inevitable question. To some he explained that he was involved in some special draft exempt a research program to others he said he was in the service and discharged for some obscure injury on the contradictions that his stories caught up with him he had to leave one group and go on to a new one. And enormous amount of energy shrewdness and alertness went into this game but it was no game to Paul he had to feel more and more worthless when he thought of the duplicity in which he was involved he had to feel himself incompetent he spent so much of himself maintaining this pose that he could not spend any time on constructive efforts he fell hard behind in his schoolwork and he made no gains in employment is only solution was in fantasy all believe finally that he did not have to work that by saying he was a sophomore in college he actually became one. The degree of alienation from self was phenomenal he himself was not aware of all the feelings and beliefs all he knew was that he was constantly oppressed and depressed but constantly forced to lie constantly forced to seek new fields to conquer he wondered why he had so many times broken off with a girl to me upon attractive. It was a boy torn my inner conflict the consequence of parental disturbance of cultural demands of his own neurotic pseudo solutions. Neurotic adults on whom the adolescent is forced to depend do not help him in developing self-esteem. These are the very people who believe themselves to be the helpers and guides of the adolescent in his period of uncertainty. Take for example a parent or teacher who is driven to heal himself and unchallengable authority few people will admit to themselves that they have this feeling and most take refuge in a variety of stock expressions which range from mild reproof to strain tolerance if the adolescent does not feel contempt for such a person he may turn on himself and feel that he himself is a mere upstart. If the parent or teacher has an attitude toward the opposite sex which is determined by his neurotic needs the effect on the child will be unhealthy. If a mother is constantly telling her daughter that men are a vultures what chance is the girl have to feel that her Swain's goodnight kids has anything healthy about it. On the other hand a matchmaking mother can ruin a girl's chance of going steady which is often a necessary reassurance of her worth. One of the most trying experiences an adolescent girl can have is the careful scrutiny to which her mother subjects her boyfriends the one who is rejected is rejected with all the wiles of an experience campaigner the one who has selected a shower with praise and monopolized to such an extent that the daughter hardly gets a chance to see him alone and more often than not the boy sees a snare laid out for him and daughter fails to get that problem in the Taishan. Neurotic parents cannot understand the adolescent tendency to become secretive to gang up and exclude parents from any intimacy the parent who is more interested in believing in the self to be an ideal parent than in actually being one finds himself threatened by doubts and takes the normal adolescent trends as proof of his own failings to compensate for his doubts he may redouble his own efforts to become pals with his child and so intrude into his secrets he accomplishes only further alienation or perhaps he brings out such compliance that the child loses the capability to do any constructive work on his own or the child may become vaguely tolerant of his poor bumbling parent. There are an infinite number of ways in which quite normal trends in adolescence great against the neurotic needs of the parents the consequences for the parents are increased feelings of worthlessness hurt pride and victimised hopelessness and so forth this is the time when the opiates he'll grow out of it or youth will have its playing begin to sound hollow This is the time when parents should begin to realize that early neurotic patterns do not change by themselves. The beginning of the pay off period when parents must face the fact that their demands are beyond their child's realistic possibilities the effect on the child of his parents' reactions to his adolescence is in direct relationship to the more healthy elements he has in his life at this time his previously developed character and the other relationships with people which he is able to establish if these relationships are few and shallow He will develop in an unhealthy direction. Even if they are many or exceptionally helpful they cannot make up for what a deep relationship with parents can give. And of course the demanding parent is the greatest loser for he has cut himself off from a very wonderful experience that of seeing participating in and growing himself with a very new vital life.