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Kousha Navidar: You're listening to All Of It on WNYC. I'm Kousha Navidar in for Alison Stewart. Guess what? We are in the midst of wedding season. Along with weddings come bachelor and bachelorette parties. I myself am getting married in May and returned recently from an awesome bachelor party in Miami. It was a great time. Today, we're going to focus on bachelorette parties in particular, which seem to have gotten bigger and more expensive than ever.

According to the online publication, Brides, destination bachelorette parties are becoming more of a thing, partially because it's becoming more common to host a party for, say, three, four days or more instead of just one weekend. Of course, spending a bunch of money and vacation time isn't feasible for everyone, especially if you've got multiple weddings in the same year.

Now, luckily, Brides has a new package to help brides and the bridal party figure out how to host a bachelorette party that makes the most sense for them. It's called A Guide to New-Age Bachelorette Parties. In it, you can find articles on everything from how to choose your destination to how to navigate any social drama that comes up on the trip. Here to help walk me through the guide is Gabby Rello Duffy, senior editorial director of Brides. Hey, Gabby, welcome to the show.

Gabby Rello Duffy: Hi, Kousha, congratulations to you. That is so exciting.

Kousha Navidar: I appreciate it. Thank you very much. This is a perfect segment for us to be talking about. We're in it together. Listeners, we want you in it too. We're opening up our phones because we want to hear from you. What's something you did for your bachelorette party that really worked or didn't work? If you're a bridesmaid, what are some ways that you're managing costs and time off?

What are some bachelorette party trends that you like or don't like? We're taking thoughts, advice, hot takes, questions for Gabby, all about bachelorette parties. Hit us up. Call, text. We're at 212-433-9692. That's 212-433-WNYC. Gabby, it really does seem like bachelorette parties have gotten bigger and more expensive, coordinated than ever. Why do you think we're seeing that happen?

Gabby Rello Duffy: What's happening is people are so excited to celebrate and they have big circles of friends and family. They don't want to exclude anyone. I don't think it's a reaction of brides trying to make things more over-the-top necessarily for themselves. They're just really excited about this moment and they really want to bring everyone in. In our digital social media-driven world, a lot of it is too focused on what they're doing for the Instagram and what they're doing for those posts. There's a point there too that people want to make things look really aesthetically beautiful and really fun. It's all coming together in these different ways.

Kousha Navidar: Do you think there is too many people to invite on a bachelorette party trip? If so, what's the cap?

Gabby Rello Duffy: I think that's a super personal question. It is going to be different for every person. My maximum bachelorette party number is going to be very different than anyone else's. I think my best tip is invite the number that you feel like you can actually prioritize spending quality time with on this trip. If you don't think you can spend quality time with 20 people, then don't invite 20 people. You want the number to be people that you can spend a meaningful weekend with.

Kousha Navidar: We just got a text from a listener that reads, "I propose--" Nice pun there by the way. "I propose no more bachelorette parties. Do Americans spend more than other countries or cultures?" Do you have any sense of that, Gabby?

Gabby Rello Duffy: I can't compare it to other countries or cultures, but I do know that the average bachelorette party is costing participants around $1,200, which feels like a lot, especially if you're going to multiple events in one season. The number is up there. I wouldn't say do away with them, but I think being mindful of what your group can meaningfully afford is helpful.

Kousha Navidar: Let's say that you're bringing together a bunch of friends who don't really know each other for your bachelorette party. What should you communicate about your expectations for your bridesmaids upfront considering that things are so different for individuals at different stages of life, different circumstances?

Gabby Rello Duffy: First and foremost, I think understanding what everyone is willing to pay and if there's a cap people have in mind. Everybody is working with different budgets and has different expenses that they're dealing with. Starting from that and letting people tell you what they're comfortable with is super important. I think, otherwise, when it comes to setting expectations for the group, letting everyone know how many people are going to be there and perhaps giving them an opportunity to get together before is really kind.

Kousha Navidar: We're talking to Gabby Rello Duffy, who's the senior editorial director of Brides. They have a new Brides package called A Guide to New-Age Bachelorette Parties. Listeners, we're opening up our phones to hear from you about your experiences, your tips, your questions about bachelorette parties. Give us a call. Text us, 212-433-9692. Gabby, we have our first caller. Ashley in Stanford, Connecticut. Hey, Ashley, welcome to the show.

Ashley: Hey.

Kousha Navidar: Ashley, what's your story?

Ashley: I planned my best friend's bachelorette in Charleston, South Carolina, and it went so smoothly, totally planned to a tee. The bride and I had many conversations to create some tenants or some North Stars to the whole vibe that she wanted, which was mosey and cozy. Never wanted to be rushed, wanted enough space between all activities, and for it not to be too hype. The other big tip I keep sharing is prix fixe dinners. That was the biggest saving grace, knowing that when everyone knew what they were going to eat, it was already all paid for. No one felt bad about, "She ordered that and I wish I had had it."

Kousha Navidar: Ashley, thank you so much for that call. Prix fixe dinners, that's an interesting idea, Gabby. Any experience with that if that actually does help out?

Gabby Rello Duffy: I see a lot of people doing things like this like organizing a dinner before or hiring a chef to cater a dinner. There are costs upfront that people are paying instead of getting to the table and having that sticker shock. I think anything that you can outline ahead of time with those prix fixe costs are super, super smart. I love the prix fixe dinner.

Kousha Navidar: We really appreciate you calling in, Ashley. We also have another caller. Nora from North Salem, New York. Hey, Nora, welcome to the show.

Nora: Hey, so I did one night only from 6:00 PM to midnight, a dinner and karaoke with local friends, because I did not want people to have to travel or go far out of their way. My sister planned it. Honestly, I thought it was all the better for being one night because it was more fun in less time and nobody got fatigued.

Kousha Navidar: Nora, thanks so much. That fatigue is real. You're around people that you often haven't met before Gabby, right? Any tips on how to make the most amount of fun possible in the right amount of time like Nora was talking about?

Gabby Rello Duffy: Yes, I think one night can be absolutely perfect. If that's what you want to do, do it. Don't feel compelled to have a weekend-long event just because that's what other people are doing. If you want a weekend-long event, give people time to recharge. Don't actually fill it with activities. Don't feel like you have to clock in all of that fun in the 24-hour period. You can plan a few things each day. Give people time to recharge and rest. Let them refuel that social battery.

Kousha Navidar: It's interesting when we're talking about shrinking it down because we do have another text on here that says "@AllOfItWNYC, cancel all the parties. It's too much. Bridesmaid, three times. Maid of honor, twice. Bride, once." We're hearing this push and pull or at least a spectrum of opinions here. Is there any sense of replacements for bachelorette parties or alternatives that people are doing? I don't know if they're fancy Zoom calls or something, but have you seen anything like that, Gabby?

Gabby Rello Duffy: I've actually been invited to a Zoom bachelorette party. I think you can totally celebrate in any way. There's no rule that says, "You have to do these big events if you don't want to do them." There are a lot of events that go into a wedding. I think we have to come back to the heart of it. It's all about celebration. Couples are really excited to celebrate their love with their friends and family. It's not coming out of a place of people just trying to force everyone to come to lots of events. They really just are looking to celebrate. You can always politely decline or you can always, if you are the couple getting married, host fewer things. There's no rule that says you have to do them all.

Kousha Navidar: Is there etiquette around politely declining what that looks like, what to avoid?

Gabby Rello Duffy: Yes, I think, honestly, the biggest thing is being super transparent. If it is because you are invited to four other bachelorette parties and you have already committed, don't lie and say you have a work event. That will always get you in hot water. Just say, "Honestly, I can't strap it financially right now. It's not going to work for me this season, but I want to celebrate with you in another meaningful way."

Do some one-on-one time and celebrate this momentous time with them. Other than being transparent, give them plenty of notice. Do not drop out at the last moment. Do not string anyone along and make them think you're coming because that affects cost for everyone. The earlier you can tell people and as honest as you can be is always what's going to be most appreciated.

Kousha Navidar: Listeners, if you're just joining us, this is All Of It on WNYC. I'm Kousha Navidar and we're talking to Gabby Rello Duffy, who is the senior editorial director of Brides. We're talking about bachelorette parties, how they look today, what questions you have about them. Why are they getting longer? It seems more expensive. We're opening up the phones to you. Give us a call. Give us a text, 212-433-9692.

Gabby, here's a text that I'd love to read. It reads, "All Of It, I was so saddened the last time I was in Nashville to see that the downtown area has essentially been taken over by drunk women in the evenings. I love the idea of celebrating this momentous moment with close friends, but..." There are a lot of cities in the US that kind of have bachelorette, bachelor parties as a destination. Bachelor and bachelorette parties are becoming more of a thing. What are some things to keep in mind when selecting a destination for a trip?

Gabby Rello Duffy: I think you have to choose the destination that makes the most sense for the vibe you're going for. If you want a big downtown scene and a party vibe, don't pick a quaint beach town or a really sleepy romantic city that's not going to be filled with other younger groups or groups of individual celebrants. There are tons of popular locations like Palm Springs and the Hamptons, Austin, Nashville.

All of these places are super popular. If you want something a little more off the beaten path, probably don't pick one of those. Pick somewhere that feels meaningful to you. If there's a beach town you love, if you want to go to a national park, there are no rules around where you have to go. I think choose something that meets the aesthetic or the vibe that you are going for.

Kousha Navidar: Let's go to Janine in Astoria. Hi, Janine. Welcome to the show.

Janine: Hi, thanks for taking my call.

Kousha Navidar: Absolutely. What's your story?

Janine: I've been on a couple of travel bachelorette weekends. What was great about it was that a lot of us would've been traveling anyway. I have friends from high school who have moved away. I have friends from college where we had all come from different corners of the globe. Everybody gathering in a special place was actually easier than if you had had some people coming from out of town and some not. Also, I'm in my 30s. I wasn't able to travel with my friends in high school certainly or really even college and not in my 20s because I wasn't making enough money. Now that I'm making slightly more money, I'm really ready to hang out with all my friends in just cool places that I didn't get to go to before.

Kousha Navidar: Thanks so much, Janine. Gabby, what does that bring up for you when you listen to Janine talking about that?

Gabby Rello Duffy: Yes, this is exactly why we are seeing bachelorette parties becoming bigger and potentially more extravagant or in more far-flung locales because the average couple is getting married older than they were 10, 20, 30 years ago. People do have money and they do want to spend time with their friends in these unique and memorable ways.

Because people can generally afford it, that is why we're seeing this happening. It doesn't mean that everyone in your group can afford it though. Like I said before, being really mindful of budget for the entire group. If you have some people in the group who are in their 20s or still just starting out in their careers, they might not be able to afford what the sister of the bride can afford who's in her 40s and is well-established.

Kousha Navidar: Let's go to Aaron in East Meadow, New York. Hi, Aaron, welcome to the show.

Aaron: Hey, thanks for taking my call. I witnessed my sister go through the whole wedding process. She did have a bachelorette party. She did have a bridal shower. I watched the costs add up in real-time. Something I want to specifically mention is that the souvenirs and the goodie bags that come with planning these trips, I personally don't believe everyone needs to have a customized T-shirt for the event. Everyone does not need a customized wine glass.

Everyone does not need a customized little ribbon tied bag of Hershey Kisses. I think the cost adds up a lot. A lot of that stuff just sits at the bottom of your drawer or becomes a sleep shirt. That's just my two cents. I think a lot of stress and money goes into stuff to make it seem very extravagant, but it's more about the experience of being with the people than the goodies that you give out. I just wanted to mention the materialist side of things and how stressful it can be.

Kousha Navidar: Aaron, thank you so much for that. Gabby, what is your opinion on bachelorette swag?

Gabby Rello Duffy: It's tough because the bride is often doing that stuff or putting that stuff together as a way to say thank you. They're trying to say, "I recognize that you've done this at financial cost to yourself and I want to give something back to you as a way to say thanks for being here." If you think your group isn't going to be the type of people who want T-shirts or hats or bags, that's totally fine. I think what can be really nice is for the honoree to host something in honor of everyone else.

Even if it's bringing in bagels and coffee for everyone on the last morning, footing the bill for something instead of giving out more stuff can be a really nice way to do it. At the heart of it, if you want to give stuff, think about the ways or think about the items people will actually want. They probably don't want something with your name and wedding date on it, but they might want something that speaks to the location. If you are in Cape Cod, get a cool Cape Cod hat for everyone. If you're in Vegas, maybe treat everyone to a round of poker.

Kousha Navidar: If you're just tuning in, listeners, we're talking to Gabby Rello Duffy, who's the senior editorial director of Brides. The new Brides package that they're offering is called A Guide to New-Age Bachelorette Parties. We're taking your calls about bachelorette parties. What's the etiquette? What are the difficulties that you've experienced? What are the wins that you've experienced? There's a text that we just received that I would love to read.

It says, "All Of It is going downhill. Bachelorette parties, really?" I want to point that out because I love getting texts like this because it exposes something that I think is important about bachelorette parties to begin with in this show. We're called All Of It for a reason, I think. Yesterday, you could talk to the opera singer like Rachel Willis-Sørensen or author Leigh Bardugo. Later on the show today, we're going to talk to the Grammy Award-winning musician, Nicole Zuraitis.

Sometimes we talk about things that are affecting your personal life right now like, "Is a hotdog a sandwich," which I'm sure a lot of bachelor and bachelorette parties have spent debating and things like this right now that affect your personal life. Gabby, can you break that down for us a little bit? Why do bachelorette parties end up becoming so important, end up requiring so much work, and so many people experience it in their own lives?

Gabby Rello Duffy: Yes, there are so many weddings. We're coming off this wedding boom. We saw so many weddings in the last few years. Now, we're in what we're calling the engagement boom. People who started dating in 2020 and 2021 are getting engaged now. They're about to get married. We see couples date for two to four years, so this is what's really happening for so many people right now. Like I said, bachelorette parties are a celebratory experience. People just want to have fun with their loved ones in honor of this momentous occasion.

With that being said, I think everyone has a story. Everyone has had that one bachelorette party that didn't go great or the one that was absolutely amazing and so much fun. I think they can be controversial in that way because there's so much emotion tied to them. A lot of planning, a lot of money. You might have a great time. You might have wished something went a little different. That's okay because, at the end of the day, that party is not for the attendees really.

You want them all to have a good time, but this party is being thrown and tailored for the person who's getting married. I might not love Vegas personally, but if my best friend really wants to go to Vegas for her bachelorette party, I'm going to be there because this is her party. I think just shifting the perspective a little and thinking about it as an opportunity to celebrate someone in a way that's really important to them can really change your mindset around it all.

Kousha Navidar: Absolutely. Maybe we should talk quickly about the things that can be planned to make sure as many people enjoy the experience as possible. We heard from a previous caller that there were some nice activities that they did that bonded them. What are some popular tried-and-true ways of making the relationships that you hope? Are there good icebreakers, good activities? Any advice there?

Gabby Rello Duffy: Yes, so I think my biggest tip from the outset is to start by sending everyone a little survey. It can be something through Google Sheets or Google Docs, something super simple that allows people to say what their personal expectations are. If they are the type of people who want to stay in or want to have more adventure-type activities, you can crowdsource that information and get a handle on what the group wants as a whole because there's nothing worse than trying to get a group of total introverts to go out and do karaoke per previous example.

If they're not going to be the type of people who are going to want to sing, it's going to be a kind of a downer event. If they're the type of people who would really love a spa night, that's super easy to orchestrate. Knowing what the group wants is super key. Icebreakers can be a really good idea. I think keeping the first night super casual if it's a multi-night event, so letting everyone have a chance to get to know each other, not asking people to get dressed up and go out. Keeping it low-key can be a really good way to start it off. Then feel it from there, see what people want to do, but give people downtime and give people options.

Kousha Navidar: Downtime, options, keep it low-key, to begin with, all important things that I hear you saying, not just for bachelorette parties, but I think any real gathering of folks. Let the water come to a boil. Don't turn it on high to begin with. I hear that. Let's go to Jean in New York. Hi, Jean. Welcome to the show.

Jean: Hi, how are you?

Kousha Navidar: Wonderful. What's your story?

Jean: I went to a bachelorette party several years ago. It should have been a great time in Vegas over a long weekend, but it ended up being this crazy, competitive Jets versus Sharks between the bride's childhood friends versus her work friends. It was just completely bizarre that people were getting excluded and even different tabs, "We're not paying for your drinks. You have your own thing." It was the most bizarre experience of my life. [chuckles]

Kousha Navidar: Wow.

Jean: For something that's supposed to be a celebration of the bride and everyone coming together just ended up being a lot of hostility.

Kousha Navidar: I'm sorry to hear that, Jean, but I appreciate you calling in because I think this is something a lot of people experience. It's difficult when you have many different folks from different parts of your life coming in, all trying to make friendly at the same time. Gabby, any advice on how to handle tough social dynamics in the moment, after the moment, whatever you think?

Gabby Rello Duffy: If you can, bring everyone together before, especially if you're all going to get on a flight together. If you can host everyone for a quick brunch at your house or if you can get everyone together for a drink at the airport even before you take off, just a way to let people get to know each other and let the groups all meld because that's the toughest part.

In the moment, I think having somebody who can speak to all groups is really important. Designate that point person who can nip things in the bud. It's probably going to be the maid of honor. As a bride or honoree, I would say to stay out of it as best you can. I think that makes it all the more emotional. I think remembering why you're there is going to be key.

Kousha Navidar: After the facts, if you're the bride and you've seen so many people work hard to give you what is one of hopefully multiple great experiences during this time of getting married and you want to thank them, what are some nice ways for brides to thank their party for all the work that they put into it?

Gabby Rello Duffy: I think one of the best things you can do, like I said, is treat them all to something. If it's in your budget to do so, I think it's a really nice idea to give everyone a farewell breakfast that you take care of the tab for or to pay for one event throughout the weekend. It might be if you're doing a boat day or if you're having someone come in to give everyone manicures. If you can foot the bill in that way for everyone, it's really nice. Otherwise, I think a meaningful thank you. We forget how important a thank-you card can be in this world. Just taking the time to sit down and write out that you are so grateful for all these people for spending time and money on you, it goes a long way.

Kousha Navidar: What do you think we can use today that maybe we didn't have before? I'm thinking specifically of social media. I'm looking at the clock. We've got just a little bit of time. Maybe 40 seconds or less here. How can we use social media to make the party experience better, maybe beforehand or during?

Gabby Rello Duffy: Use it as a tool to connect people. Use it as an opportunity to crowdsource ideas. Find great themes and activities, games, all of that stuff on social beforehand so that you have things planned out and it's fun for everyone.

Kousha Navidar: Wonderful. Well, we've been talking to Gabby Rello Duffy, the senior editorial director of Brides. The new Brides package, A Guide to New-Age Bachelorette Parties, helps you understand everything that goes into doing a bachelorette party, doing it well, doing it cheap and cheerful or more luxurious, whatever you want, whatever works for you, which sounds like a key theme that you're talking about here, Gabby, finding people where they are, making an experience that works for the bride and everyone else. Gabby, thank you so much for joining us.

Gabby Rello Duffy: Thank you.

 

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