Mary

Dear Jonathan, (a note inside a Marlboro cooler left on a doorstep)
###Here’s your stupid Marlboro liquid cooler that you thought was so cool. By the way, Thermos is a brand name, not a generic one, so, so much for your hipster intellect. I guess if you use this thing for a spittoon that would make sense (go look it up!). Did you think that that alcoholic concoction you toted to the park for our picnic yesterday in this BPA plastic jug would have impressed me? I hardly know you. Did you really think I was going to drink that? I think this Marlboro Man artifact should be best dropped off at the local thrift store. Don’t plan to text me ever again. No way would I ever drink your cool-aide!