Alex

“It’s not that we don’t want Scotty to be on the team. He’s a suuuper nice kid and all the other children realllly like him. But, well, we can’t have any of the kids, you know, encouraging the others to smoke. OranythingelsebadlikethatyouknowwhatImean?”###I have no idea what she means. Eleven minutes ago I was here to pick up my little brother from soccer practice. Now I’m listening to his Olsen twin of a coach while trying to think of the best way to tell him he’s not going to need those new shin pads without it resulting in his tears and snot finding a home on my shoulder. This whole thing is about the fucking thermos? ###“It’s the age. At that age they’re impressionable. They’ll do, like, pretty much anything if they think it’s the cool thing to do. And I’m not saying he’s actually suggesting the rest of the team do it. I’m not saying that at all. But it is, you know, RIGHT THERE.”###I’d honestly forgotten that the Marlboro logo was even on there until she brought it up. I’m fully aware of the dangers of tobacco and most other narcotics, legal or otherwise. I understand the implications of perceived promotion of said narcotics amongst the youth. I’m also not stupid enough to ever intentionally do anything like that, much less on a pee-wee soccer field, and sure as shit not by proxy through a 6-year-old.###“It’s just that some of the other parents have voiced a concern. Like a genuine concern about it. I KNOW! I know it sounds silly but it’s just, well, it’s becoming an issue. A few of the kids have asked their parents what the symbol means and, well, they’re just not ready to have that talk with their children yet.”###I went through eight years, sixteen seasons, in this exact, same league. Eight years and no one said a word about that damn logo. That thermos came with me to every practice and every game and the only issue it ever caused was after I tripped John Lundsford and he got back at me by farting on the straw when I wasn’t looking. Detrimental to my future, it was not.###“A lot of the times, I think, parents like to approach these subjects once they feel that the child is old enough to comprehend it for themselves. So when it’s, you know, like THRUST upon them like this, it can be a little jarring, right?”###I wonder what Dad would have said if Kellen’s mom or Schuyler’s dad had approached him about the thermos during one of my games. No way he would have stood for some of the BS they pull around here. Stopping the game to let the other team score so nobody feels like a loser? Not keeping score at all half the time? Kicking a kid off the team unless he drinks from a less-threatening bottle? Jesus, I’d love to see his face.###“Again, I’m not accusing Scotty of anything. And I’m totally not saying he’s a bad kid or anything. He’s just, well like I said, he’s causing an issue with the other parents and I think it may be best if we, you know, alleviate the situation.”###It’s a great thermos. Damn thing has lasted, what, seventeen years? I want to be mad at her but It’s not her fault. It’s the douchebag parents. They’re too scared to talk to their own kids about anything serious so now I have to crush my little brother’s tiny heart? No. That thermos isn’t going anywhere. Neither is Scotty. Worst part about all this is that his coach is cute. She’s dumb as rocks, but cute.###“You understand right?”###“Yeah. No. Totally. And don’t, like, even worry about it. I’ll take this old thing to Goodwill or something and get him a new bottle on our way home. I’m pretty sure it leaks anyway, you know?”