Alyssa
16
((I apologize for the sloppy format, I initially wrote the script on celtx so the entire format was lost when I transferred it here, I had to do it all manually which is even more terrible than you can imagine. -Alyssa<3))
FADE IN:
INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM - MORNING
The sun rose and everything fell. A man is asleep in a messy bedroom as an alarm clock rings. The disheveled man elegantly reaches out from under his white comforter and turns the alarm off. This man is ALEX WOODS a single, 25 year old loner who has been chosen to be rocketted to Mars in order to test NASA technology.
ALEX yawns and looks to a cat laying beside his bed.
ALEX
(to the cat)
Today's the day, Helen. Last day
on Earth and I'm going to see the
most important person in my life..
ALEX walks over to a dresser and looks at a photo of himself at his college graduation with his mother. He smiles briefly then pushes the photo aside revealing a Blake Griffin jersey.
ALEX
Blake Griffin!
CUT TO:
INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM - MORNING
ALEX is sitting on a couch watching a morning talk show, he's eating cereal alongside HELEN THE CAT who is also eating dry cat food from a bowl.
TV NEWS ANCHOR
BREAKING NEWS: President Donald
Trump has fired his 14th vice
president. Our sources say Trump
will this time bring in a talking
bag of money as his 15th and
hopefully final-
ALEX
NEXT.
ALEX switches the channel. An anchor is reading the news as a BREAKING banner scrolls at the bottom of the screen it simply reads "The technology behind sentient money."
NEWS ANCHOR
In other news, tonight NASA
launches its first rocket with a
civilian on-board. This civilian
is Los Angeles native, Alex Woods.
Stay tuned to learn more about who
many are calling an American hero.
A photo of ALEX holding HELEN THE CAT both wearing matching t-shirts appears onscreen.
ALEX
Really? That's the photo they use?
Even when I'm a hero I'm still a
lonely cat guy.
ALEX turns the television off and grabs a huge binder from under the coffee table. The binder reads "Last Week on Earth" and looks like a fifth-grade girl decorated it, there's so many stickers plastered on it.
CUT TO CLOSE UP ON THE BINDER.
ALEX quickly flips through many photos of him from throughout the week, some highlights include partying, mooning tourists, and being rejected by Scarlett Johansson. Finally, ALEX arrives at a checklist and begins checking things off.
ALEX
Visit mom, check. Visit dad,
check. Get wasted, check. Go on a
date, check. Get laid, check.
ALEX hesitates and looks at HELEN THE CAT.
ALEX
Don't look at me like that.
HELEN THE CAT meows. ALEX sighs and erases the check mark and writes "1/2" instead. ALEX does not elaborate on this.
ALEX
(talking like an announcer)
And now for the goal to beat all
goals, meeting Mr. Blake Griffin.
ALEX gets up and starts to do a celebratory dance, this is cut short by HELEN THE CAT who hisses at ALEX.
ALEX
Don't you fret your worrisome
whiskers, Helen.
(in an English accent)
You're going to the fanciest of
fancy feline resorts.
CLOSE UP ON HELEN THE CAT LICKING HERSELF, OBVIOUSLY NOT AFFECTED BY ALEX'S STATEMENT.
ALEX
(with childlike enthusiasm)
I'm excited too!
CUT TO:
EXT. FELINE RESORT - DAY
The feline resort is a huge building with marble pillars. The sign reads "Nine Lives Hotel", its logo is identical to the Four Seasons though the tree is replaced with a cat tower.
FADE IN:
INT. FELINE RESORT LOBBY - DAY
The doorman holds the door open for ALEX. ALEX while holding HELEN THE CAT bows in appreciation. This dynamic duo is very out of place. ALEX is wearing a Clippers t-shirt, cargo shorts, and a Clippers hat. The concierge is an old white woman wearing a very nice white dress and sweater, she watches ALEX approach her while silently judging him.
ALEX
(referring to the doorman)
What a nice guy. Someone give that
guy a raise!
CONCIERGE
(being very short)
He works off of tips. Do you have
a reservation with us today?
ALEX
Yeah, it should be under hero. No,
I'm only kidding it's under Woods,
Alex Woods.
CONCIERGE
Okay Mr. Woods I have you staying
for... Oh, this must be a
mistake... indefinitely?
ALEX
No mistake, that's correct. I'm
going to Mars you see.
CONCIERGE
Oh, Woods, yes of course. I'm so
sorry sir. What's this little
one's name?
The CONCIERGE looks at HELEN THE CAT and throws her a toy mouse that she has no reaction to. It simply hits HELEN THE CAT right in the face. The CONCIERGE gives the cat a strange, quizzical look.
ALEX
This is Helen.
CONCIERGE
Let me guess, named after Helen
Mirren. What a gem. She's truly a
marvelous-
ALEX
Oh no, no, no. Helen Keller.
Because she's both blind and deaf,
she's the Helen Keller of the cat
kingdom.
The CONCIERGE looks very concerned.
CONCIERGE
You know most people give their
cats a cutesy name.
ALEX
Well her nickname is Magic.
CONCIERGE
(relieved)
See that's a much nicer-
ALEX
Because she also has feline AIDS.
The CONCIERGE gasps.
CONCIERGE
(sternly)
Leave.
ALEX
So we're good here?
The concierge points to the exit.
CONCIERGE
Now.
ALEX
Bye Helen! Don't forget me!
HELEN is adorned with a collar and put inside a carrier as ALEX makes his way to the door.
CUT TO:
EXT. STAPLES CENTER - DAY
WIDE SHOT ON ARENA. CUT TO SHOT OF ALEX OUTSIDE THE ARENA.
ALEX approaches a security guard.
ALEX
Hey, man. Did Blake already get
here? He's not picking up his
phone.
SECURITY GUARD
(speculatively)
You know Blake Griffin?
ALEX
Yeah, old college pals. If you
could, uh, let him know I have his
lucky socks, I'd appreciate it.
His phone probably died, typical
Griffs.
SECURITY GUARD
Sir, I highly doubt you even know
Blake Griffin let alone have socks
to give to him.
ALEX
Oh but I do.
ALEX holds up a gross pair of athletic socks. He smugly flips the sock to reveal "Blake G." written in sloppy handwriting on the inside of the sock.
ALEX
I think I'll just be on my way
now.
ALEX attempts to walk past the guard through the restricted door but the GUARD stops him short.
SECURITY GUARD
I'm sorry sir, but a sock with the
name of a player written on it
isn't enough proof for me to let
you in.
ALEX
That isn't enough proof but
perhaps this is.
ALEX hands the guard a folded bill and winks slyly. The GUARD unfolds the bill revealing it's five dollars and a photo of ALEX.
CLOSE UP ON THE MONEY AND PHOTO OF ALEX SMILING, IMMENSELY HAPPY. AS THE GUARD LOWERS THE PHOTO ALEX IS MAKING THE SAME HAPPY FACE AT THE GUARD.
SECURITY GUARD
I suggest you leave before I call
backup.
ALEX
Okay, okay. No need for that.
White flag, I surrender.
ALEX turns around and starts to walk away but quickly turns back.
ALEX
Actually I do have tickets to the
game so which way is quicker to
the right or left?
SECURITY GUARD
Right.
ALEX gives the GUARD a thumbs up and walks to the right. The GUARD simply shakes his head.
ALEX
Appreciate it.
FADE TO:
INT. STAPLES CENTER - DAY
CONTINUOUS SHOT ON ALEX AS HE WALKS THROUGH THE STADIUM.
ALEX walks up to a food vendor. She is a middle aged blonde woman. The board at the stand reads "NEW: Quinoa Hot Dogs."
ALEX
Quinoa hot dogs? Sounds terrible.
What else you got?
VENDOR
Well, our most popular items are the
savory kale chips and organic
popcorn.
ALEX
Hmm, sounds equally or possibly even
more disgusting. Do you have like
nachos or regular people food?
VENDOR
Oh, you're looking for our
throwback food vendors, they're
right around the corner.
CUT TO:
INT. STAPLES CENTER SEAT - DAY
ALEX is sitting in his seat (courtside of course) eating a "regular people" hot dog. He looks at his watch and quickly takes the last bite.
ALEX
Blake Griffin time!
ALEX stands up and walks to the Clippers' tunnel. He quickly makes his way in and navigates his way through the halls.
ALEX
Wow, that took absolutely no
effort at all. Do they even have
security?
As ALEX asks himself this, he rounds a corner. At the end of the hall is a large security guard guarding the locker room door.
ALEX
(whispering to himself)
Fuck.
ALEX calmly approaches the guard.
ALEX
Hi, Mr. Griffin called for me.
SECURITY GUARD
(emotionless yet scary)
What for?
ALEX
(stammering)
Uh, massage, yeah, sports massage.
Says he's been tense lately.
The guard looks ALEX up and down.
SECURITY GUARD
Shouldn't you have a table or
something?
ALEX
Um, no, we're just doing legs.
SECURITY GUARD
Oh, okay. He should be in there.
ALEX's eyes widen with excitement as the security guard opens up the door for him.
ALEX
Thank you, sir.
ALEX hugs the guard and walks through the door. The guard looks confused by this gesture.
CUT TO:
INT. LOCKER ROOM - DAY
ALEX slowly walks in the locker room and sees the object of his affection, BLAKE GRIFFIN.
ALEX
M- Mr. Griffin?
BLAKE GRIFFIN
Yeah?
ALEX
Oh, wow. Sir, it is an HONOR to
meet you. I know you hear this all
the time from people that don't
really mean it but I am honestly
your biggest fan.
BLAKE GRIFFIN
(while looking around)
Who are you? How did you get in
here?
ALEX
My name is Alex Woods and, you may
have heard it in the news, I'm
being rocketted to Mars.
BLAKE GRIFFIN
I think. Yeah, I have heard of
you, good luck out there man.
ALEX
(taken aback)
You good luck, out there, on the
court, always.
BLAKE GRIFFIN
So did they, like, give you all
access tickets for one last game?
ALEX
Actually, funny story, I just
snuck in here.
TIGHT SHOT ON BLAKE GRIFFIN, HE DOESN'T LOOK HAPPY.
CUT TO:
EXT. STAPLES CENTER - DAY
ALEX is thrown out of the building by two security guards. ALEX picks himself up and throws his fist in the air in celebration.
ALEX
(shouting to the sky)
Blake Griffin!
ALEX looks at his watch, 6:18 pm.
ALEX
Shit! Launch is at 7.
ALEX runs to the street and hops in a cab.
CUT TO:
EXT. ROCKET PAD - NIGHT
ALEX gets out of the cab, throws the driver his entire wallet, then proceeds to run to the space station.
ALEX
Wait! Don't leave me! For the love
of Blake Griffin, don't leave me!
CUT TO:
INT. SPACE STATION - NIGHT
ALEX, out of breath, flings open the station door. Everyone looks at him, they all sigh out of relief. A female employee approaches him.
NASA EMPLOYEE
Just in time, Mr. Woods. Get
suited while I brief you.
ALEX nods and begins throwing on the space suit handed to him.
NASA EMPLOYEE
We sincerely hope you spent what
very well may be your last days on
Earth wisely. As long as you do
everything exactly as we've been
training you, I'm sure nothing
will go wrong.
ALEX
(sarcastically)
Well you certainly sound convinced.
The NASA EMPLOYEE laughs.
NASA EMPLOYEE
Don't worry yourself. The rocket
is just beyond that door.
Godspeed, Mr. Woods.
ALEX takes a deep breath and smiles at the EMPLOYEE. He hesitantly approaches the door and looks back at the EMPLOYEE. She gives him a reassuring smile and nod. Alex stares at the door handle and slowly turns the knob.
FADE OUT:
THE END
