Ryan

16

The sun rose and everything fell. The stars dropped from the sky. The moon disappeared. The newest episode of the Mindy Project started.
And there’s no way I’ll be able to watch it. :(
I remember how I got stuck in this billionaire’s maze of hedges. It was a writing contest. A stupid little piece of satire about a Superhero adventure from the “villain's” point of view.
It would be fun they said.
My parents that is. They had forced me into the contest, which I had won (lucky me). Visiting this billionaire’s mansion was part of the reward.
I was worried when my escort last night arrived well after dark, with a convoy of nothing but black vehicles. My parents told me that I should focus on what’s important. Networking for my family’s hedge trimming business. Not my safety. Not excitement for the fact that a fourteen year old gets to meet a billionaire. Just the fact that if I’m there, I should talk about what a great job my parents do with a pair of shears.
It would be fun they said.
I should have ran when the billionaire told us that he likes to impersonate the Jokerzls. (is that enough to avoid copyright infringements) “Would you like to see a magic trick?” He asked. It was a little funny, at first… It slowly became more disturbing as he started acting out Jokerzls movie scenes with startling perfection.
His henchmen escorted us out of the building and threw us into his hedge maze. They explained the rules to us. When the sun rose the Jokerzls was going to hunt us down.
It would be fun they said.
I used to secretly root for the villains in comic books. They always had elaborate well planned out schemes, and an unwavering ambition that I held some respect for. Usually the reason they failed is because the hero is ridiculously lucky and overpowered, or because they (often uncharacteristically) constructed elaborate death traps rather than kill them outright. “No!” I’ve said too many times while reading comic, “Don’t lock him up in some radiation room. Just. Put. A. Bullet. In. His. Head.”
But now that I am playing the hero (sorta), or random civilian 1 (more likely) I really hope that the writers adhere to the standard, happy go lucky comic rules.
Heroes always win, civilians never die.
When I was first thrown in the maze I ended up stumbling around for a few minutes in a weird semi delusional paranoia. I stopped when I started to think I was Batmanzls (My submission had been about Batmanzls vs. the Jokerzls . I’m beginning to think it was the only reason I was a winner)
I caught a few hours of sleep and was bitterly disappointed when I realized the hedges weren’t part of a dream.
I wish I could say I have never seen so many hedges before; but I have been very active in the hedge trimming business since I was four. That’s when I picked up my first pair of sheers. My parents see it as a sign of fate.
I see it as a sign of divine punishment.
I turn a corner.
There’s another human standing there. I don’t think about it, I don’t process it. I just run.
“I am not the killer!” The figure screams as I will my legs to go faster.
It’s exactly what the killer would say.
“You really are pretty slow. If I was the killer I would have caught up to you by now.” She says, peeking out from the hedge and not being dressed like the Jokerzls.
I almost turn red in embarrassment. I almost wish she was the killer.
But she is obviously one of the other winners. We start moving together. In case the Jokerzls comes, now she can flee and leave me to die.
She starts to make fun of my running. It starts to dig under my skin. Then a branch sways in the wind and hits her.
I feel better.
“So, what’s your name?” I ask.
“Alex.” She says quickly, running her hand through her hair.
“Since when has that been a girl’s n-”
“MY DAD WANTED A BOY! Ok?” She screams.
“Ok ok.” I say. I have a sister. I know how violent girls can be when they’re insecure.
We walk in awkward silence for a bit.
“What do you usually do with your family?” I ask, thinking about the hedge trimming business since well, I’m in the middle of a hedge maze.
“My Dad takes me hiking a lot.”
“Did you enjoy it?”
“Well last time I had to eat Fluffles…”She says sadly.
“Of course you did.”
“It was the bunny or us!” She screams at me. She cools down after a moment. “What do you do with your family?”
“Hedge trimming business mostly.” I say, recalling all the times I hid in the hedges to get out of work. It takes a while to explain the process though and if I told Alex she would probably insist that I teach her.
She scans over the hedge maze. “Ugh.” She says.
We are stuck in the maze another hour or so before we see the end. A helicopter stands in the distance. It’s in the center of a circular clearing.
I start to walk towards it.
“Wait!” Alex says wild eyed, blocking me with her arm. “Let me scan the surroundings first.”
“Was your Dad preparing you to become a marine or something?” I ask.
“No, but we plan on surviving the Apocalypse. I’m pretty sure the zombies are going to eat you.”
“Well I’m pretty good with shears...”
Someone else enters the path to the helicopter. They come from a path ahead of us.
“We should all go together.” I say, determined this time. I slap her arm down and start to move forward.
She tackles me to the ground and puts her hand on my mouth. I get the message. I shut up staring at her eyes with a mixture of hatred and annoyance. After the sound of the footsteps die, she lets me go.
There’s no one inside the helicopter. There’s no one walking towards the helicopter. It’s as if the man I had seen about 30 seconds ago had never existed.
“The killer has to be there.” I say. “Are you happy now?”
“Yeah, I am actually. Now all we need is a distraction.”
“Like what?”
“Like throwing a rock.”
I do as the lady says. I throw a rock.
She smacks me for being an idiot. “You were supposed to wait until we were closer to the helicopter.” She says in the angriest whisper I ever heard. “It was supposed to distract him while we made a break for it. Now he knows that we’re here.”
“Well he probably is distracted. If we run for it now…”
She starts to mumble. “Note to self. Kill any fellow survivors during the Apocalypse.”
“What was that?” I ask.
“My reaction to the stupidity of your plan.”
“What if I gave you a smarter one?” I ask, remembering how I used to hide in the hedges.
“Fine. Shoot.”
“I’ll hide in one of the hedges. You go to the helicopter. Run back down here as soon as he starts chasing you. When he passes by me I’ll stop him.”
“You can hide in one of these hedges?”
“What do you think?”
“I wanna go with a no.”
“Well you’re wrong. It’s the only thing I learned while working in the hedge trimming business.”
“Didn’t you learn how to trim hedges?”
“I learned how to hide so I didn’t have to.”
“Alright.” She says. “I’m selling you out if you don’t save me though.”
She finds me a nice rock to hold. It’s dense and can easily fit in my hand. She tells me to aim for the back of the head.
I enter my hiding place carefully, bending the branches in order to make a nice crevice for me to fit in. If you looked from the sides you would see me in a second, but the Jokerzls should be focusing on Alex.
She runs toward the chopper.
Then she runs back.
“Let’s put a smile on that face!” The billionaire screams like a madman. In (what is actually a pretty good) impression of the Jokerzls.
And then I see him through the hedge.
“YOU AREN’T THE JOKERZLS!” I scream at him as I emerge from the shadows and smack him in the back of his head.
He drops down to the floor. “Never start with the head-” He says weakly. I cut him off when I kick him in the jaw. Alex does it again for good measure.
We stand together panting for a second, just enjoying our victory.
“Hey I never asked, what’s your name?” Alex asks.
“Well isn’t it obvious?”
“No.”
“I’m Batmanzls.”
She laughs and hits me on the head for my stupidity.
The helicopter runs on autopilot. It lands on top of the mansion, and we descend the stairs to go inside.
We are right beside the exit door, only a few footsteps away from freedom.
“Hey, shouldn’t we go save the other kids in the maze?” I ask.
She freezes. “I don’t want to go back there.”
“I’m sure the police will save them, or something. Do you want to do the honors?”
“Sure.” She says, relief in her voice.
Alex stared at the door handle and slowly turned the knob.