Rose

15

The sun rose and everything fell. Shit! yelled God as he struggled to pick everything up again. Shitshitshit. Light hit the empty green world as the day began, and most of God's stuff tumbled towards Earth. Oh, this is bad. Extremely bad, he thought as he flew fast as he could down towards the atmosphere, trying to catch it all before it was too late. He failed.
With a colossal BOOM, the falling items hit the land. Sparks flew, and the world shook and broke and reformed. Then the land was still. God looked forlornly at the wreckage of his possessions.
M-my...stuff, he whispered to nobody as angry tears welled in his eyes. He was about to throw a tantrum when he heard a rustle coming from under his broken belongings. He wiped his eyes and whispered, Hello? Is something there?
A small, pale creature emerged. It couldn't have been taller than four feet, with matted, curly red hair and large brown eyes. It was covered in dirt and leaves and was the ugliest thing God had ever seen.
What the hell are you? God asked as he poked the little creature tentatively. It squirmed out of his grasp.
"Hey, hey, hey, no touching!" it shouted, dusting itself off. "The name's Alex." God smiled broadly.
Ah, you are human. Welcome to Earth, my son, God said with warmth in his voice. The thing called Alex scoffed in judgement.
"Actually, I'm a girl. Don't assume things. Alex is a gender-neutral name, you ignorant prick. Typical phallocentric deity," Alex muttered scornfully and rolled her eyes. God crossed his arms.
Well, sorr-ry. I'm new to this creation thing. I was under the impression that man would be created first, he responded. Alex narrowed her eyes, so he quickly followed up with, No, no, I am not a misogynist. If you really need to label me, I am a feminist. I know what men are going to do to this world when they're in charge. Not pretty.
Alex looked him over and lowered her guard. "Alright, cool," she said and extended her fist towards him. God looked confused, so she grabbed his hand, made it into a fist, and bumped it against hers. "Fist-bump," she explained.
I see, said God, although he did not understand the gesture.
Alex stepped out of the wreckage from which she was born. She sat down in the shade of an apple tree. He sat beside her. They stayed a while in silence and gazed upon the world he had made.
"So you did all of this?" asked Alex.
Yeah. No big deal, God responded nonchalantly. She scanned the terrain for other people. No one was in sight.
"I was kinda under the impression that there would be more people around here. People to be friends with," said Alex. God looked down at the small girl. Her eyes were full of sadness. She looked lonely.
You have me, said God as he placed his hand on her shoulder. She shrugged off his hand.
"Yeah, I guess," murmured Alex. She turned to him. "Isn't there anyone else like me out there?" God sighed.
Well, they somewhat exist. The rest of the people aren't finished yet. I'm still working on them, he said.
"Can I meet them? Please?" she pleaded. God shook his head. "I need to be with other people. Why not?"
Releasing any of the humans now would not be ideal. I haven't given them a sense of rationality yet. She looked at him with questioning eyes. Understand this: they are stupid. They're driven by misguided passion and frivolous dreams. They are violent and loving and utterly stupid. If I let them out for you to see, they'd begin to do as irrational beings do; they would love and kill and set strange standards for each other and procreate and make stupid children. And their children would have stupid children. And I'd have created a world of idiots. Alex rolled her eyes.
"Okay, well, I know I'm just a kid, and you're the almighty holy creator dude or whatever, but you're wrong." God frowned. "All of these other things around me, your creations," she said, gesturing around her, "they are rational. They only have the instinct to survive. They don't give a crap about anything else. And look at them. They're so boring." Alex pointed to a squirrel, which sat holding an acorn and staring up at them. "Look at this punk. He probably stole that nut from another squirrel, to survive, a rational act, and doesn't give a crap. I bet you have never had a conversation with a squirrel either. And he doesn't care about you. But here I am, talking to you, feeling lonely, being irrational, and being human. I'm loads better than every single one of these other fools."
God stared down at the little squirrel for a long time. Its eyes were cold and without light. It scampered away. Then he looked up and said, You're right. Alex nodded. Come with me, God beckoned. He pointed to a large mountain in the distance. Atop the mountain is my workshop. That is where the other humans are. They began walking.
For twenty days and twenty nights, the companions trekked up the monolithic mountain. Upon reaching the peak of the mountain, God looked over the world he had made beneath him and declared, Good shit. And it was good. Alex faced God's workshop.
"Its a little small," she said. "Not what I pictured for the birthplace of all creation." The workshop was a tiny, wooden, dilapidated shack with only one room and a cracked window. On the door, a sign hung that read, DO NOT ENTER: DANGEROUS PEOPLE IDIOTS INSIDE. "So what now?" Alex turned to God. A loud BANG came from inside the creaky door. "Do we let them out?"
He looked up at the sky. I wanted to make a perfect world. He sighed. But I suppose I'll settle for an exciting one. Go ahead. Let these insane, beautiful creatures out.
"No need to be so damn dramatic all the time," she mocked, but her face betrayed her nervousness. Another BANG sounded behind the door. Her lip quivered as she advanced towards the shack. BANG. Alex looked over her shoulder to God. BANG. "Thank you," she whispered. BANG. She paused for a moment. BANG. Several seconds passed. BANG. Alex stared at the door handle and slowly turned the knob.