Dinah

14

The sun rose and everything fell. Like literally, everything. The manga books from the shelf, the drawing utensils from the art desk, the little disco ball on his ceiling, most of the coffee from the cup in his hand, even the cat that sat on his bed. Why? Who knows. What Alex did know, however, is the room that he’d spent hours cleaning and organizing was now in a complete mess and the rage that was building up in his chest made him want to scream.
Everything was ruined!
Everything was out of order!
No!
And all he’d wanted was a cup of coffee.
He also knew that the sudden jolt that took over his house was very uncommon in a place like Syracuse, and deemed it unnatural. But deep down, he knew what this was. It was the world turning against him. As many may know, Lent is a seasonal period that lasts about 40 days and people are forced to give up something during that period to make them a better person and form a closer connection to God. Being a firm believer in God, Alex promised he would not drink a single cup of coffee, but he couldn’t help it! He had a deadline for when he needed the next episode for his webcomic and just couldn’t seem to sleep. Of course it was partially his fault for waiting till the very last minute and spending most of his time trying to get to the next level in Mortal Combat.
Leaving his room, he heads to the kitchen and dumps what was left of his coffee into the sink before grabbing a sanitized napkin and wiping off any excess splatters that held on tight to his shirt. Then he advances to the closet in the hallway. First, a mask to cover his nose and mouth and protect him from any chemicals or dust that might find them. Second, a pair of elastic gloves that reached his elbows to shield him from any splinters and cuts. Third, a scrubbing appliance. Fourth, a duster. Fifth, a broom. Sixth . . . a ruler.
With everything in hand he proceeds back into the room. Using the scrubbing appliance, he rubs at the the covers of the books that had collected dust from the floor before arranging them in alphabetical order based on the author and any series was put in order based on the time they came out. The covers on his bed ended up being a little shuffled so Alex completely pulls the sheets off and remakes it. Any wrinkle, any bubble, and any fold being pressed down to ensure absolute cleanliness. Next, he scrubs the pens that had fallen from his art desk and places them on the table sequentially based on the depth of the marker and, with the ruler, makes sure there’s exactly a half inch of space between each of them.
As you may have noticed, Alex is a bit weird . . . actually, he’s extremely weird. You see, Alex suffers from an over compulsive disorder where dust to him looks like cow poop. He’s had this ongoing feud with bacteria since the day he could talk. The man even has a little compartment on his door where he does all his transactions because he never leaves the house. Ever. At the age 8 when his father figured he was of age to take care of himself, he put him in this house and he hasn’t been outside since. 13 years of never feeling the wind pass his skin and he felt fine. Knows how to read, found a passion for drawing, has a job, and can play video games all he wants without having to wake up early in the morning. What more could he possibly want?
However, because he’s never left his house before it means his interaction with the human species was very . . . limited
Halfway through with cleaning, the loud and obnoxious sound of a phone ringing pulls him away from his work. Alex pulls one of his gloves off before reaching in his back pocket and answering it.
“Hello?” he speaks gruffly, getting up and onto his feet.
“Ooh, ooh! He answered!” A faint voice squeals in the distance. Alex can only squint his eyes in confusion.
“Um . . . who is this?” He asks.
A muffled cough proceeds through the receiver first before an answer follows. “Um, yes, I am the executive secretary of, um, the Washington Tech Facility and our company has been gathering poles, I mean, a poll on the amount of applicants whose refrigerators aren’t running . . . is your refrigerator running?” The voice that travels to Alex’s delicate ears are obviously those of a female attempting to imitate that of a man’s. Not only was it so painfully obvious that this was a prank call, Alex could do anything but realize the acronym for the fake name of this “company” was WTF.
“Don’t ever call this number again.” Alex replies.
“Wa-” but Alex has already hung up and gotten back to work on eliminating the filthy traces of excrement that relaxed on his floor. His floor.
How dare this piece of trash think it can be here on my floor! Alex thinks. It’s preposterous! As if they have no sense of manners or respect at all.
Scrubbing vigorously, Alex’s phone begins to chime. He answers once again without checking the caller ID.
“Hello?” he says.
“Why’d you hang up? I wasn’t done talking to you Mister!” the female is no longer attempting to do a male’s voice and a high pitched and cracked sound trills through his ears.
“Didn’t I tell you never to call this phone ever again?” Alex asks trying to keep his calm, but the anger boiling up inside him only grew the longer he stayed on the phone. Prank calls were only the little fraction of the things that made his skin crawl in fury. His temper and patients were . . . below average.
“Well I wouldn’t of had to do that if you hadn’t hung up so the only person you can really blame is yourself, Mister.” she retorts.
“Who is this?” he pauses. “For real this time.”
“Okay, okay.” she begins. “The truth is I’m actually not the executive secretary of Washing Tech Facility. The company doesn’t even exist. I made it up.” Yeah, like I hadn’t figured that one out, Alex thinks. “My real name is Tequila. I’m the best friend of the next heir to Planet Uranus and I called you because we are in desperate need of your help in order to save our race.”
As soon as the words had left her mouth Alex couldn’t help the snort that left his nose as he sat there listening to this crazy woman make up worse lies than the next. Was she serious?
“And I know it sounds unbelievable, but it’s true!” she continues. “I swear! Just, wait one moment while I try and prove it to you.” Alex couldn’t stand staying on the phone with her any longer, but before he can hang up the phone, the same rumbling that had consumed his room this morning takes over again, jostling him on and over his bed until he’d hit the floor on the other side.
Dazed, and a little bit bruised, Alex sits up on his knees and rubs his back with his phone still in hand. When his eyes open, his vision starts out incredibly blurry. In front of him he can make out blurred visions of orange people in something blue. He blinks, and suddenly the vision is more clear. In the place of his wall and bookcase now sat a gigantic hole and a vehicle that resembled that of the UFO’s he’d seen in movies.
The orange people drew closer and after another blink he could make out their apparel. They wore clothes in the color of a dark sea blue. A more thick, solid piece of cloth circled their neck like halos and a smooth silk draped to their feet like gigantic shawls.
Alex’s jaw drops and the phone that had once been clenched in his hand falls to the floor.
“What the h-” Alex starts but gets cut off by the same voice he’d been with on the phone just moments ago.
“Alex, we need you to come with us.” she says, her deep green orbs piercing through his own and purple hair trilling back with the long wind. He never knew purple and orange could mix so well together, but on her it actually looked nice.
“Who the hell are you?” Alex asks, lips chapped and mouth dry as he sat there quaking in fear. He didn’t know what these freaks could do to him. Oh man, he should have never had that cup of coffee. Why did the world have to be so cruel?
“I told you, I’m Tequila. Princess Champagne's best friend. Our planet’s in trouble and we need you to help us. We need you, Alex Whitner, to save our kind.” she says growing closer until she stood directly on the opposite side of the bed. The others behind her stood there silently with stone cold and distant faces. They looked scary and way less friendly.
“Yeah, I’m not going anywhere with you guys!” Alex exclaims springing up to his feet and sinking more into the wall, thinking that maybe if he pressed hard enough he could go through and run out of this extremely weird situation.
“Fine, if that’s your choice.” she replies easily. Alex let’s out a relieved sigh thinking that this whole thing could finally be all behind him.
“VODKA!” she screams. A big, burly guy emerges from the small crowd who had stood behind her and, in a flash, is now right in front of Alex. With his gigantic fist, he swings it back and nails it right into Alex’s jaw. The impact brings dark spots to Alex’s eyes, and sends him tripping backwards. Vodka strikes him again and now he’s on his knees. It takes three more bashes before Alex’s lights finally blink out.

______________________________________________________________________________

When he wakes up he’s laying on top of a nice, soft, and plush bed. The dark and silk material draped over his abdomen and legs as he rested in probably the most forced but peaceful sleep he’s ever had.
Still a little woozy from the severe hits he’d taken just moments before, he slowly rises from the mattress. When he looks up, his eyes are first faced with three very beautiful women.
The first had skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, and hair as dark and eery as the night sky with a short pixie cut. Her aura was a bit weak though and reminded Alex of that of a depressed teenage girl. The second girl’s skin was a nice chocolate color. She had long, straight hair that sailed down and below her lower back. Her figure was thick. Not thick as in fat more thick as in bootylicious curves. And the last girl portrayed the same orange color he’d seen before being kidnapped. Her blonde curls stringed against her ear as the rest of her hair was wrapped in an elegant bun. Her figure wasn’t as thick as the previous girl, but not as frail as the one before that either. In all honesty, even with the strange sunset orange colored skin, she was a beautiful, exotic, and magnificent creature in his eyes. The most amazing thing he’s ever seen.
She takes a step forward.
“Hello, Alex.” she says, her voice even more tranquil than her presence.
Meanwhile the only thing Alex could think was, Oh my god! She knew my name!
“Uh . . . hi.” he replies, still sitting in bed. Was it normal to be talking to a girl while still sitting in bed? Is that like, a step up or another level? Have we made it to third base already?
Alex didn’t talk to many girls, actually, he hasn’t talked to anyone before, at least not face to face. Not even his own mother. Poor women. She died 2 years after Alex was born. It was hard raising a child who screamed whenever he was near someone or came within a centimeter of a god forbidden germ.
“I’d like to apologize on behalf of Vodka. I’d asked them to send you an invitation politely, not bring you here by force. For that, I truly am sorry.” she smiles, sending a round of butterflies fluttering in his stomach. His palms began to sweat, his throat started clogging up, and he was so terribly nervous. I’ve never been this close to a girl before. What should I do? What should I say? Do I touch her?
“My name’s Champagne.” she says sticking her hand out. Palm faced down and fingers in a sophisticated manner.
Alex, misinterpreting the gesture, gave her a fist bump instead of the kiss on the hand like normal people do. Pulling a sanitized napkin from his pocket, he rubs his knuckles clean. She can only smile at the sight of him.
“These are my sisters, Whiskey,” points to Snow White, “and Bon Qui Qui.” gestures to Tiana.
“Bon Qui Qui?” Alex asks after hearing her name. What mother on this earth, well uranus, would ever name their child . . . Bon Qui Qui?
“What, Boo? You got a problem with that? You don’t like my name? You want me to come over there and knock your prissy little teeth out?” Her loud, booming voice ricochets off the walls and into Alex’s eardrums, leaving him deaf for a minute. He quickly comes back to his senses.
“No, no. It’s not that.” he says trying to defend himself and keep all of his teeth. “It’s just that I noticed that a lot of the people here are named after alcohol. Yours isn’t so I was just curious about that is all . . . “
“What you mean Bon Qui Qui ain’t a drink? Bon Qui Qui is the best toxin around. It’s like the high without having to sniff anything into your nose.” she laughs.
Alex shoots a fake smile her way before deciding to finally get out of bed.
“I know you didn’t want to come here so we have a Starship on it’s way to take you back to Earth.” Champagne continues. “We don’t want you doing something you don’t want to. We’ll just find someone els-”
“Wait! What?” Alex's voice screeches at a very unmanly pitch. He coughs to get his masculinity back. “I mean, I’m already here. I might as well help. What do you want me to do? I’ll do anything you ask me to!” His voice comes out rushed, like a chipmunk in love.
“We need you to defeat The Germ.” she states.
“The Germ?” Alex asks extremely confused. He hated germs. Germs were his pet peeve, his number one enemy. Heck, they were the devil themselves.
“Uranus is a very highly immaculate and hygienic planet. The best in the entire universe. In it’s entire 4.503 billion years of existence, we have never contracted a single pathogen. That is, until last fall. Our neighboring planet, Saturn, somehow had terrorists infiltrate our security. We’d managed to eliminate them before it became a huge threat, but unfortunately, there was The Germ. None of us here can get to a close enough proximity to destroy The Germ because to us, getting within a 5 foot radius of The Germ is like willingly jumping onto a landmine. It will kill us instantly.” Alex gasps. Champagne only nods. Bon Qui Qui is in the background on her phone and Whiskey is staring off into space with sad eyes. She still hasn’t said a word.
“We’d gotten word around here that you’re skills in defending yourself against germs are absolutely superb. We need you to help us kill The Germ before it leaks and contaminates our food supply and water.”
“What can I do?” Alex asks enthusiastically. Most of the words that had left her mouth go through one ear and out the other. His eyes are fixated on her lips but not what she was actually saying. The sight of them had him thinking about all the other things those lips could do . . .
“Well, you’ll need to meet our dad first. He’ll tell you exactly what needs to be done before you can move forward.” she says.
Did I hear that correctly? Alex envisages. I’m meeting who?
“I’m meeting your dad! He doesn’t own a gun, does he?” Alex exclaims aloud, probably too loud. This was one of the fastest moving relationships he’s ever had.
“Yes, you’re meeting him and no, he doesn’t own a gun. Technology like that is not needed here.” she answers. Alex lets out a huge sigh of relief. “The Germ’s located underneath one of our vacation houses. That’s where our father is right now. We’ll have to cross town to reach it.”
“Awesome! Let’s go!” Alex cheers enthusiastically. He was ready to go anywhere with a beauty like her.
“Hold on.” she states, holding out a hand to keep him from moving. “First, you must wear this.” she says grabbing something that looked like a fishbowl and placing it over his head. “The air in here is purified for humans, so as soon as you step out there, you’ll die.”
“Oh.” Alex gulps.
“Ready?”
“Yep!”
“Whatever.” Whiskey speaks up for the first time. “I’m gonna go torture some squirrels in the backyard.” she leaves.
“I’m gonna go hang out with Boo at his place. LeRoy say he wanna show me something so I’mma go. Bye!” She also exits.
Alone at last. Alex sighs.

______________________________________________________________________________

They’re floating high in the air in this makeshift contraption many Alcoholics (creatures of Uranus) call Hoverboards. Everything is so bright and loud and bursting with energy. Though the sky outside stood forever dark, the blinding lights that came from the sidewalk pathways, roads, and buildings lit up the entire atmosphere. Orange people were everywhere. Gambling in street corners, making out against walls, playing strip poker in front of buildings, and so on and so forth.
But what had really caught Alex’s attention was the huge crowd that circled around and a sign that read URANUS SHOWDOWN.
“What’s all that about?” Alex asks as they draw nearer.
“That?” Champagne’s head gestures toward the direction. Alex murmurs in response. “That’s the Uranus Showdown. Two competitors compete and basically make fun of each other’s butts. The winner gets to shop free at the local mall for a month. It’s one of the biggest events here. It can be very entertaining.”
Alex tunes in to the words once he’s in ears reach.
“Uranus is so fat, that when you go to the airport they charge you two tickets for your seats.” The smaller and less developed female says.
Ooh! Burn!
“Uranus is so flat, that when your boyfriend tries grabbing it his pinky can’t even get anything.” The bigger and more developed female shoots back.
Shot’s fired!
“Uranus is so fat, that when Kim Kardashian wears your jeans her butt looks flat. Bam, WHAT!”
Whoa. Where’d you go? She threw so much shade, I can’t even see you anymore.
“Oh yeah, well Uranus is so flat, that botox can’t even do anything to help you.”
Oh my god! She didn’t? Oh my god! She did! Okay, this is heating up. I have got to hear the rest of this.
Alex leans in a little more to try listen in but the distance is so large it’s impossible to make out anything. So instead, every time they hit a bump in the road, he holds on tighter to Champagne’s waist and tries his best to not let a gap come between them.
When they arrive at the vacation house, a tall stark man is already waiting for them at the steps. Alex immediately lets go of her hips, not wanting to make a bad first impression on her father.
“Welcome, Alex.” his deep booming voice portrays the power and domination he has over his people alone. “I am King Scotch. You may call me Your Majesty.”
“Yes, your majesty. It is an honor to meet you.” he responds.
“I am sure Champagne has already told you why you’re here.” he starts. “Now you must follow me. Champagne, you wait right here. This shouldn’t take too long.”
King Scotch starts his way inside and Alex hesitates, not wanting to leave Champagne behind or be alone with her father either.
“Go.” she whispers quietly. “I’ll be fine. You won’t be happy if you see how my father gets when he’s angry. He’s a very impatient man.”
Alex is off without a second thought. He seems small standing near such a large man, but the trip to their destination is short and silent.
Finally they reach a door grazed in many locks and heavy steel. He felt like a spy infiltrating a top secret government facility. It was awesome!
King Scotch hands Alex plastic gloves, which he puts on, and a spray can that says: The Germ Killer.
“Spray this on the germ and come back.” King Scotch states.
“Really? That’s it?” Alex questions.
“Yes. That’s all. Go straight, take a right, the door’s on your left. Open it, spray The Germ, dispose of the things I gave you and your clothes, then come back.”
“Well, okay. I can do that easy!”
King Scotch unbolts the doors and shoves Alex inside.
“I can do this no problem.” he says to himself in the darkness.
Trying to remember King Scotch’s directions, Alex feels his way forward and takes a right. He slides his hand onto the left side of the wall until his fingers meet a doorknob. Opening it, he immediately realizes he was in the wrong room. And it’s not because he just remembered the right course in order to get to the destination, but because of the screen in front of him and a small man that sat frozen in his chair. On the screen it read, PLAN TO TAKE OVER EARTH.
Alex’s eyes drop back down to the man, then up to the screen, and at the man again.
“I think I have the wrong room.” Alex finally says after a few seconds of tense silence. Then he closes the door behind him and makes his way to the real objective.
Opening the door, he walks into the empty room. The supposedly dangerous Germ that was here was no where to be seen. Alex squinted deeper into the distance trying to make out the slightest of movements, but with no avail does he see anything.
Then suddenly, from the corner of his eye, he sees a slight but noticeable movement. Before he can turn around, something jumps on his back and sends him on the ground, face first. The Germ Killer that had been in his hand flies from his grip and rolls across the floor.
Whatever had decided to jump him was large and strong. Alex knew it had to be The Germ. Flailing and splatting around, Alex is able to turn himself face to face with this Germ. It was a green, slimy looking thing with see through gooey insides. It’s eyes were holes and it’s mouth is two slimy strings of something that kind of looked like cheese. And get this, it had arms. Arms! When Alex had signed up for this he did not expect to be battling a bacteria that was bigger than him and had arms!
Bringing his legs back, Alex uses all his momentum to kick The Germ off of him. Once he’s freed, he quickly turns over and starts crawling towards The Germ Killer spray. Before he can reach it something grabs his leg, sending him back a few inches. Alex grips as tight to the floor as he can, trying to be as heavy as humanly possible as he claws his way to the can.
Alex finds a steel pole connected to the wall nearby (which was kind of lucky considering, how many times can you find a pole sticking out of a wall?) and grabs hold of it, turning him sideways. He now laid elevated a couple inches from the ground, his fingers gradually slipping as he tried to grip on tighter. The Germ inches closer until his head is level with Alex’s, meanwhile Alex is trying to stretch his fingers to grab hold of The Germ Killer. The Germ opens its mouth. Inside a black hole with a stringy, sticky substance stretched out inside has Alex trying to stretch quicker. He knew what The Germ was going to do. The Germ was going to cough all over him and give him the cooties. He was going to make Alex sick! And Alex has never been sick. With a sudden drive coursing through Alex’s veins, he reaches The Germ Killer and holds it in his hands. The Germ breathes in, and Alex sends a long stream of spray right into it’s mouth. The Germ jerks back, letting go of Alex, and topples to the floor, coughing. Alex sits up and moves in closer. He sprays again, and again, and again. Until the spray can is empty and The Germ has stopped moving.
He’d done it. Alex Whitner has killed The Germ.

Having already disposed of the materials and his clothes, he walks down the hall (butt naked) and finds King Scotch once more.
“I did it.” Alex says. Proud and confident even without any clothes on.
“Good. Now put these clothes on.” He hands Alex the bundle of clothing. “A Starship will be waiting outside for you as soon as you finish. You did good work today, son. You are forever in our favor.”
Alex can only smile as he watches the King retreat. He’d never felt so capable in his life. Who knew being a neat freak would come in handy some day?
Once he has his clothes on he exists the building and finds Champagne standing near the Starship. She smiles as soon as he spots him coming down the stairs.
“You did it!” she squeals once he’s closer.
“Yeah, I did it.” he repeats.
Her smile is so wide and wonderful that he can’t help but smile too. He loved seeing her so . . . lively.
“Thank you.” she says, getting to her toes and pressing her perfect luscious lips against his cheeks. She leaves a hot trace that has his cheeks turning a vibrant red. Once she’s back on her heels she grabs a metal stamper from her pocket and grabs his hand.
“Here’s my number.” she says pressing the material into his palm so that it left the imprint of numerical values. “Call me when you finally decide to leave your house. I might come and visit sometime soon.”
Alex stares at the imprint on his hand, smiles, and strides up and into the Starship with pride. A new kind of pride. A lover’s kind of pride.
“Oh, and before I forget, I saw this strange dude when I was down there who had plans on the computer to take over Earth. Would you like maybe, stop him or something?” Alex asks.
“I’ll see what I can do.” Champagne replies.
“Okay, well, see you soon!” And then he’s gone.
________________________________________________________________________

Alex is lying on his bed when he wakes up.
That was the strangest dream. He thinks as he sits up. He stretches his arms and yarns to get the sleepiness out of this system. As he raises his hand he notices something on his right palm. A number . . . ?
Holy smokes! It wasn’t a dream!
Feeling a rush swipe through him he lunges out of the mattress and picks up the cellphone that had been lying on the floor next to his bed where he’d last left it. In a rush he forgets his shoes and races to the door. He hesitates when he reaches it, thinking of all the germs that would be on the other side. But he’d defeated the greatest germ of them all, and if he could do that, he could do anything. Plus, he really wanted to see bae. Alex stared at the door handle and slowly turned the knob.