Katherine
14
“The Red Sweater”
The sun rose and everything fell. Everything being the dense, thick layer of freezing sugar that coated the city of Annapolis, that is. Miraculously, the temperature ratcheted up overnight, changing the city from a hazy winter wonderland into an expectant garden awaiting the flowers and new life that accompany springtime. Businessmen who'd spent hours battling snowy traffic and exhausted parents who'd wasted days off shoveling driveways rejoiced in the unexpected change of season.
But there was no joy in the Rhae household on that glorious spring morning, especially in the bedroom that held fifteen-year-old Alexa Marie, or “Alex” as her friends and family called her. For young Alex, the lack of snow was a punishment, a damnation that would thwart her chances of ever being happy again for the rest of her life.
“Alex!” her mother Karen cried out in a voice of pure glee that she reserved for back-to-school sales and Patrick Swayze movies. “Alex, wake up!”
The plump fifty-one-year-old, arrayed in mom jeans and a “Rhae Family Vacation Las Vegas 2005” t-shirt that didn’t fit her quite right anymore, burst into Alex’s room giddily. The idea of running into a teenage girl’s room on a Wednesday morning before her alarm went off was a rookie mistake, as Alex was about as friendly as a wildebeest before 11am, but poor Karen was getting a failing grade in Not Pissing Off Your Teenager 101. Her little sister lost her fourteenth tooth on a Saturday morning at 6am? Alex didn’t care. That Cute Boy that was in That Cute Movie Alex Liked When She Was Nine is on TV? Alex couldn’t be bothered. Final Puzzle in Wheel of Fortune is on? Alex didn’t give a damn.
Alex, who dealt with the chronic syndrome known as not being a morning person, barely moved, as if to avoid the fact that she needed to get dressed for school soon.
“Mom, what’s going on?” she mumbled groggily, rubbing her eyes slowly.
“It’s a miracle! It’s fifty-three degrees outside! The snow melted, and it feels like springtime for the first time in ages!”
“WHAT?!” Alex screeched.
This news seemed to lift the aura of exhaustion from Alex’s body and sent her flying towards her window. Much to her dismay, the snow had sunken far into the ground, leaving the city balmy and green.
“No, no, no; this is not happening,” Alex’s voice was full of tears and disappointment.
“Honey, what’s the problem?” Karen asked confused, trying desperately to understand her teenage daughter and, as usual, failing.
“Do you not know what day it is?!” Alex shrieked in frustration. “It’s VALENTINE’S DAY. The day I was going to wear my new red sweater and look fantastic and then Colin Blinch was going to invite me back to his house for hot cocoa and then kiss me!”
“Oh, Alex, it’s okay! You can still get some good use out of that sweater and look super cute at school today! Why don’t we look through your closet for another outfit to wear that you won’t get too hot in?”
“It’s no use!” the morose teen cried miserably,
“There’s nothing in that stupid closet that will look as good on me as that sweater! And if I don’t look super cute today, then Colin will ask another girl out and no one will ever want to date me and I’lldiealoneasanoldmaidwithabillioncatsandMYLIFEWILLBERUINED! I’m wearing the sweater!”
“Now, Alex, it’s awfully hot out for you to wear that sweater,” her mother warned.
“I don’t care!” Alex snapped defiantly, yanking the sweater from her dresser drawer and snipping the tag off with a pair of scissors.
To make up for the time she lost in her meltdown, Alex threw the sweater on with a pair of skinny jeans and riding boots, garnished it with her most extravagant jewelry, and prettied herself with her a ton of colorful makeup in record time. As she dashed into the kitchen and swiped a banana from the kitchen table, Karen marveled at her daughter’s usual speediness. Alex hadn’t even gotten ready that fast on Black Friday.
Alex strode into school confidently, ready to take on the day and win over Colin’s heart. She smiled and waved at her classmates but could barely contain herself when she made eye contact with Colin from his locker. He flashed her a friendly grin, and Alex reciprocated with a cute smile of her own. At least, she hoped it was. Maybe it was too big, and he thought she was an awkward loser? Maybe it was barely noticeable, and he thought she was an awkward loser? Maybe she already was an awkward loser, and he’d been thinking that the whole time?
Her internal freak out was interrupted when the school’s PA system crackled to life, wishing the students a happy Valentine’s Day while informing them of how lucky they were to have such nice weather (yeah, right) and how the school had been unable to change the settings on their heating and cooling system to accommodate the temperature change. Translation: the heat was on full blast. Alex’s stomach dropped, and she hoped and prayed that she wouldn’t turn into a sweaty mess over the course of the day.
Alex’s day was pretty steamy (in more ways than one!). She and Colin engaged in a lively conversation in English class where she made him laugh out loud, but the heater seemed to be aimed right at her chair and shot warm air in a direct stream to her like one of those huge tanks used in the army that lock their poor subject before ambushing them with ammo, causing tiny beads of sweat to begin pooling in the creases of her armpits and knees. At lunch, Colin invited her to sit with him, and they flirted playfully while Alex filled her boots with salty sweat. By gym class, Alex had never been happier to peel off her soaking wet clothes and trade them for her school’s crusty uniform, but was disappointed to learn that she had to spend an hour partaking in a vigorous basketball game before returning to her regular clothes, still bathed in sweat.
By the end of the day, Alex thought that her romantic efforts were for naught and trudged out of school despondently. I mean nothing to him, Alex assumed, I’m just another pretty girl in a red sweater who he can talk to and lead on and then leave in the schoolyard. What a sexist bastard! Women are not just objects of lust that boys like Colin can tease for their own gratification! Colin Blinch himself is the sole reason that our world is still as sexist and misogynistic wasteland full of-
“Alex!” A voice called out behind her, stopped her dead in her tracks. She swiveled around to find that Colin was trying to get her attention.
“Hey, Colin,” she greeted him, “what’s up?”
“Do you want to hang out right now?”
It took everything in Alex’s power not to run throughout the school doing backflips and crying tears of joy. Finally, she thought, finally I am going to go to Colin Blinch’s house and kiss him just like I’ve dreamt it! There is hope for our world after all! God bless America! God bless Colin Blinch! God bless all men!
“I’d love to!” Alex hoped she didn’t sound too excited (or was it worse if she sounded too nonchalant?!).
“I was thinking we could take a walk to get to my house, since it’s only a mile and a half away. Sound good?” Colin suggested.
Alex nodded, not processing exactly what Colin said. When the reality of what she was about to do sunk in, she panicked but, afraid to ruin her perfect plan with Colin, said nothing and began walking with him.
“So, you said you like Saturday Night Live?” he asked, and Alex nodded, trying to contain the sweat mustache, or “sweatstache” that was slowly making itself known atop her upper lip. The path to Colin’s house was completely unprotected from the sun’s rays, and they beat down on poor Alex intensely.
She fantasized about those cool ice baths that football players got after games and zoned out from her conversation with Colin. Was this heat stroke? She was pretty sure it was heat stroke.
“Hey, are you okay?” Colin asked her worriedly,
“You look kind of hot.”
“Oh no! I’m totally fine!” Alex lied through her teeth, her sweatstache dripping onto her lips.
Would Colin be totally creeped out if I took a long shower at his house when we get there? Alex wondered as her face glistened with her body’s salty tears.
Just as Alex thought that she would be better off burning in the fiery pits of hell, Colin exclaimed, “We’re here!”
He opened his front door for her, and Alex burst inside, beet red and sweating. As politely as she could, she flopped down on his sofa and accepted the glass of water he offered her, though, to her dismay, it was only lukewarm. He continued to make idle chat, and then reached down into his backpack for something.
This is it! Alex thought. He wants to kiss me! She was sure of it. “Leaning Away and then Turning In To Kiss” is one of Seventeen Magazine’s “Top 40 Unconventional Ways for Him to Kiss You!”. She slid across the couch to be closer to him, shut her eyes, and puckered up.
“Woooah!” Colin jolted back upon turning around,
“What are you doing?”
“You were going to kiss me, right?” Alex asked hopefully.
Uncomfortably, Colin took a deep breath and said,
“Look. You’re really nice, but I already have a girlfriend.”
“A girlfriend?!”
“Yeah. She goes to school across town.”
Cheeks flaming, Alex stood up and gathered her things, barely mustering out, “I should go.”
“But you are a really fun person!” She was just about to leave the house when Colin called out to her, trying to make her feel better, “And I really like your sweater, too!”
His words froze her in place for a split second, and she sighed. Despite the fantasy she’d dreamt of for six whole days, she knew what she had to do. Heart heavy with disappointment, Alex stared at the door handle and slowly turned the knob.
