Christian

17

The Rise of a Fallen Zero
The sun rose and everything fell. Alex was stupefied as he laid on the ground, falling under the category of everything. He lifts his heavy eyes but can’t do the same for his exceptionally heavier body. His small bachelor’s pad, another word for cheap apartment for someone who only needs a bed for one, looked as if it were taken, placed in a blender with some kumquats and a hint of sawdust.
His eyes gazing around the room, searched for something to support himself, or at the very least an idea of what the hell was going on.
He found his answer as he looked past the Finding Nemo he excused as blinds. As opposed to seeing his normally nude neighbor- ninety-three year-old Mr. Nam, named accordingly as he was naked save for his war medals and an American flag bandana- he saw something far less pleasing, a vast wasteland quickly approaching him.
Now he was getting frantic, well his eyes and his mouth were. The g-forces from the fall made it near impossible for him to lift his overly sized head. His beard scratched the wooden floor-boards. The hair he normally kept in a man-bun now mopped his floors that grew exceptionally dusty from the lift.
He learnt now that he must accept his fate despite not fully understanding it. All his mistakes: his failed lovers, his successful lovers, that time he pleasured himself to Mr. Nam, all of which came in the blink of an eye, as he did.
He thought of his downstairs neighbor and how he always wished he had the courage to just approach her and ask for her number. Just to declare his powerful feelings for her that undoubtedly only existed out of extreme loneliness, now only exist out of fear of dying a 24 year-old virgin.
“I love you 2-B”
“Alex? Alex from upstairs is that you?”
Of course! It doesn’t make any bloody sense for his room to be the only one lifted off the ground. His whole building is off the ground! He can now die sans the regret of declaring his lust for a woman he doesn’t even know the name of!
“2-B listen to me, I…”
A green light shot through the room and Alex, and just as quickly as he was going down, he was going up. He hit the ceiling, and then all of his belongings rushed towards him. A guitar flung towards his face as he quickly shifted right, a small decorative horse went towards his gut, but he ended up with a small AXE struck him right in the baby-maker.
Just as he was recovering in the fetal position, getting comfy on the ceiling, the floor reached him at break-neck speed.
But the g’s eased off and he could now stand on his size 9 feet. He peered out the window and saw what looked like a robotic nest of green larvae. Alex had seen enough sci-fi movies to know these were aliens trying to eat them and take over the world. He also knew he was the perfect candidate for seemingly unexceptional earthling with no luck on his planet who could get just lucky enough to save it. And the girl at the end would have to fall in love with his heroics.
This was all fiction of course but then again, what is this anyways.
Alex stared at the door handle, and slowly turned the knob.