Ythan

17

The sun rose and everything fell.

We had realized just how messy the house had gotten after last night's party had subsided. The house was just as messy as my Uncle Phil's life, only it was a house.
Alex had woken up next to the girl of my dreams, who was also named Alex, however to avoid confusion, I'mma just call her Alex 2. So anyways, when Alex 1 woke up to the sight of his house trashed, he made this gross gasping noise that sounded dangerously close to that one video on the internet of turtles having sex. So long story short, no one really took him seriously at first. Anyways, the poor guy was turning shades of red that no one had even seen before. I mean the guys face was as red as some other guy's face if he were to blush out of anger. Well, Alex was totally angry. He let out a loud, "Everyone either get the hell out of my house or help me get rid of this dump! My parents get home in 20 minutes!" So among all the confusion kids could be heard scrambling to get all their clothes, throwing away their trash, and running out the door. In the end, there were about as many people remaining as there were members of the Beatles and I'm pretty sure there were like three so it wasn't a large number at all. It was up to me, Alex 1, and Alex 2 to save the day. Of course, Alex 2 couldn't really say much considering someone last night someone had dared her to do the Kylie Jenner lip challenge and she's ballsy as hell. Her lips were swollen three times their normal size. It was just like a black eye that was also swollen three times its normal size. "Lemme get some ice for you," I said as she started to panic about her terrible life decisions. It was probably the closest I could get to something romantic at the time. I'm always so nervous around her. I mean she's a Greek goddess and I look like a damn portabella mushroom burger. She has eyes as blue as blue paint and legs as long as tree branches that are also very long. Her hair would make any stylist bow at her glory in the same way that Donald Trump's hair wouldn't. Meanwhile Alex 1 was all up in a frenzy sweeping up broken bottles, vacuuming, and wiping up the floors. We had 10 minutes left on the clock and all I could do was flirt badly with Alex 2. Since her talking and facial expressions at the time were minimal, I could expect little to no backlash.
"I uh... like your lips."
Shit. What the hell was that? Her eyebrows contorted in such a confused manner I swear they could've been used as question marks in an essay written by me on how the hell those kids who got golden Wonka tickets somehow just all magically spoke English. Like I mean there were scenes from all over the world of people scrambling to buy chocolate bars and yet the five golden tickets somehow managed to end up in the hands of five little kids all from the same area... Beside the point. So I'm obviously terrible at flirting. It was at that moment that Alex 2 started bawling and from what I made out from her muffled words through her red pillow lips was that she regretted sleeping with Alex 1 to get back at her ex. I genuinely felt bad for her and went in for a hug, however, I guess her phone got a text and she didn't see my arms as she turned to go check it so I quickly made it look like I was stretching.

"I mean I just wanted to prove to myself that I was doing better off on my own! I had dreams of being an independent, tender hoe. BUT NOW MY HEART'S HURTIN," Alex 2 had said with a few more weird sobbing whistle noises that I'm pretty sure were coming out from her perfect nose. It was like listening to a light wind whisper through the warm spring air. Well I finally got that long awaited hug and redeemed myself and we talked for a few more minutes and really got to know as much stuff about each other that a person can find out about another within the matter of five minutes. What happened next made my heart beat as fast as it does when someone whispers, "let's watch the Spy Kids franchise," in my ear. She leaned in and kissed me with those giant baboon-ass lips of hers! It was just like a mama whale swallowing a baby bull shark! No, It was like one of those alien robots from War of the World swallowing up its first victim in that weird red chamber opening thing that it has! No. It was like some even weirder analogy from the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. Needless to say, I enjoyed every second it it. I felt like I was taller than a person who was taller than me in height.
"HEY! AREN'T ANY OF YOU GUYS GOING TO HELP ME CLEAN UP AROUND HERE?"
Shoot. Alex 1 actually still had a lot to do. Alex 2 and I scrambled to get everything back into place with 3 minutes left on the clock when we heard knocks on the door.
"Alex were home! We left the house key inside, could you open the door please?"
It was at that moment that the two Alex's and I looked at each other in horror. It was like this certain type of horror that no one else has probably ever felt before. Idk, you probably wouldn't understand. It's like really exclusive. So Alex gave Alex 2 and I a directing nod as he motioned for us to jump out the back window and escape. We did just that late enough for us to see the soon-to-be dead kid walk up to the door all while repetitively doing the sign of the cross but early enough to also see that there were rose bushes hiding under the window and that we were, indeed, screwed. Well we jumped out of the window regardless in order to do at least one thing right for our troubled friend. The next few moments were as intense as the moments that one feels when waiting for a hot pocket to cool down before it's remotely safe to feast on it.

Alex stared at the door handle and slowly turned the knob.