Natalie

15

The sun rose and everything fell.
“Ah, shit,” I breathed out as I began throwing items from my bed to the floor. Each item came down, one after another, from the broken shelf above my bed. First, came my pair of rain boots. I can’t wait to kick these babies in one day, I thought to myself. My friends and family say I’m an idiot for buying rain boots since California’s in a drought. Well, I say California is gonna have to rain eventually, and when it does, I’ll be ready.
The rain boots were also used as a book stopper. Each book created a loud thud once it banged against my shiny, bald head (which I prefer to polish myself).
I closed my eyes when I heard the familiar sound of a heavy ball rolling towards me - my disco ball. That ball has a lot of sentimental value: it was from my 36th birthday party. I invited my whole family and all of my four friends, but not even my mom showed up. Anyway, it was at an ice rink and the disco ball added so much more life and pizzazz to the party than there already was. Man, that was a great day, I thought, right before it landed on my head and knocked me out.
When I gained consciousness, my heart dropped a little. “Not again,” I whispered to myself as I looked over at my beaming digital clock that read “6:47 A.M.” I fell out of bed, brought down by my tangled bedsheets. My mom was supposed to come over and make my bed a few days ago but she made up some lame excuse about "being an adult" and "doing things on my own", so I'm stuck with this mess. I groaned loudly before I used all of the strength left in my scrawny body to pick myself up. While running to the bathroom to take a bath, I began stripping myself naked. I was fully undressed by the time I entered the bathroom.
“Good morning,” my best friend and roommate, Alex, said from the toilet with a newspaper held in his hands.
I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist. “What the hell, Alex?”
“Hey, you didn’t knock.”
“I didn’t think I would have to. God.” I threw my hands up in the air. “You wake up at noon every day.”
“Not today.” Alex laughed under his breath as he got up and flushed the toilet.
“Will you hurry up? I’m going to be late for work. I can’t be late today, I have a huge presentation.” That didn’t move him. “You leave me no choice,” I said right before I farted, stinking up the bathroom.
“I’m leaving, I’m leaving,” Alex surrendered as he left the bathroom.
I shook my head and swiped off my towel. Before I stepped in the bath I made sure it had the right amount of bubbles. I gathered my toys: rubber ducky, Jaw the Shark, Hungry Hippo, and some action figures. I know I’m an adult, but can you really blame me for enjoying a quality bath? Why should I stop bathing the way I want to just because I’m 42 years old? No one ever has an answer for that one.
I grabbed my shark and action figure to recreate a classic scene from the movie Jaws. I sang the theme song while the shark circled the action figure, but was soon interrupted by Alex.
“It’s 7:15, Jack!”
I dropped my toys and began squeezing the almost empty shampoo bottle as hard as I could. I was satisfied with the tiny drop I was given, and rubbed it into my bare scalp. You get what you get, you know?
After rinsing the small bit of product in my scalp, I attempted to step out of the bath. My feet were extremely wet against the dry tiled floor, and so once again, I fell. I’m a clumsy person, alright?
My feet shuffled back, my arms flailing in the air. I lost all control over my body. I landed with my head and back inside the bath while my legs were in the air. Using the muscles in my upper body, I tried to grasp the edge of the bath. After several failed attempts, I finally picked myself up and wrapped myself in a robe that wasn’t exactly the right fit.
“Jack? Are you still here?” Alex shouted from his bedroom.
“Yeah!” I began wiping down the mess I made on the floor.
“It’s 7:30.” Alex walked towards me.
“Oh my God. I’m late. I can’t believe it. I’m gonna get fired.” I sat down on the edge of the sink and held my face in my hands.
“Dude,” Alex sighed.
“Yeah?” I removed my hands from my face.
“Put some pants on. I can see everything.” Alex shook his head and walked out.
I decided to dress myself and ran to my closet. I opened my drawer and stared at my selection of patterned underwear. I moved my index finger to my lips, lightly tapping it as I stood there deciding. I chose to go with my plain old black boxers. I put on my standard work clothes and took a good look at myself in the mirror. I nodded slightly at my reflection, admiring the outcome.
“Jack! Hurry!” Alex called. Again.
As soon as I was brought back to reality, I grabbed my briefcase and hurried out the door. Realizing I had forgotten the most important meal of the day, I stopped by a local grocery store to grab myself a gallon of milk and a box of cereal. After looking at my watch once again, I opened the milk and chugged the drink, spilling it on my attire. I can’t do this, I thought to myself. I whipped out my cell phone and called Alex.
“Yo.” Thank God he answered.
“Alex, I need you to assist me at my presentation today.”
“What?”
“I can’t do this on my own and you’ve listened to me rehearse so many times, you've probably memorized it.”
Alex laughed, "I don’t know. Speaking in front of a bunch of boring people in business suits isn’t really my thing.”
“I would do this for you, you know that. C’mon,” I pleaded.
I heard him let out a heavy sigh before he agreed to my plan.

When I picked up Alex, he looked surprisingly sharp.
“Dude, you look fire,” I complimented.
Alex smirked in response. “Unlike yourself. What’s all over your shirt, bro?”
“I spilled milk on myself, but don’t worry it comes out in the wash.” We high fived.
Once we reached the doors, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, terrified for what was going to happen next. I smelled like milk.

"What is the presentation on again?" Alex asked.
"...Boycotting dairy farms..."
Alex stared at the door handle and slowly turned the knob.