Mary Ann

15

The sun rose and everything fell. Tsuamis towered over East Asia, earthquakes with record-breaking magnitudes sent the world crumbling down, skyscrapers toppled, and Donald Trump announced his presidential campaign. Adolf Hitler asended from the deep bowels of the inferno and was reincarnated as a Krispy Kreme donut eaten by Chris Christie...and Alex was going to visit the gynecologist for the first time in her fifteen years.

Nothing could prepare her for this. Not the school counselor, not her father, not WikiHow...and most certinely not her fifty-five year old grandmother, Bambi. Who, in fact, was sitting right next to Alex. So close, Alex could hear Careless Whisper blasting out of her grandmother's hot pink, bedazzled headphones. So close, she could smell the pineapple-mango juice she was drinking. So close, her eyes could wander off to the side, and read the very same page of Fifty Shades of Grey that her grandmother was reading. “I found some baby oil. Let me rub it on your behind."

Okay. Let it be known throughout the land, that there was noting that could prepare her for reading THAT. Alex's mind refrained from concentrating on the matter at hand. The fact that she was sitting there on the hard, red chair in the lobby of Dr. Wang's office. It was unfathomable.

"Bambi Peterson, it's time for your pap-smear," announced the small nurse with the pink, lollipop scrubs. Alex's grandmother rose from her seat, bent down to drop her waiting room essentials beside Alex's feet, and sashayed to the front desk, her blonde colored weave bouncing off her shoulders. As she walked away, Alex read the tight, fuzzy pink yoga pants that Bambi was wearing. Her behind read "SEXI GRAN" in silver jewels. Lollipop Nurse looked like she wasn't getting paid enough for this.

"Great. Just Great," Alex thought. Now she was left alone to watch an accountant and his drag-queen sibling argue on Dr. Phil. She was so nervous, she'd never felt this way before. And that's when the unimaginable happened.

Suddenley, the tsunami was real. Except this time it wasn't blue, like the ocean...it was a dark red, like the deep bowels of the inferno. And it was bad. Alex didn't know what to do. She wasn't wearing any protection, and she could feel the heavy liquid seeping through her white shorts. It felt like she was a volcano, and her unwanted blood was the lava, slowly traveling through the outskirts, causing mass destruction.

"I could make a run for it," she thought. "I could reach the parking lot, get in the car...I mean, I only have a permit, but-"

Suddenly, her thoughts were interrupted by her grandmother, Bambi Peterson, "SEXI GRAN," barging through the lobby door, still carrying on her conversation with Lollipop Nurse. "...a problem with these results. It says my pap-smear is average, when clearly, it's ABOVE average...oh, Sugar!" Exclaimed grandmother Bambi, when she noticed Alex and her newly red shorts. The breast-feeding mother across the waiting room gasped, and the crying teenage girl at the front desk dropped her pregnancy test on the marble floor.

Alex thought it couldn't get any worse...until ten mintues later when she waddled out of the bathroom wearing a certain too tight, too fuzzy, too pink pair of yoga pants.
"Alexandra Peterson," called Lollipop Nurse, who chuckled as Alex stepped in front of her.

They took a right, and Alex read the plaque on the wooden door. 'Dr. Wang: OB/GYN.' She sighed. Alex stared at the door handle and slowly turned the knob.