Sebastian

18

The sun rose and everything fell. Well not everything, exactly. Alex still had a small fragment of his dignity left intact when he left Dave’s VCR Repairs for the last time. Being fired stings… being fired in front of all your coworkers on your birthday is even worse.

You see, Alex had been a VCR repairman for close to 10 years now and he didn’t really have any other skills. He’d always meant to get some, he just never did. Alex knew the job wouldn’t last forever and to be honest was quite surprised he had lasted as long as he had. He hadn’t actually repaired or even seen a VCR in the last 10 years. Up until now, he had just been doing various repair work around the shop. But nevertheless, he was still disappointed that he had lost his job and was wholly unprepared for any other.

In the everyday world, there’s just not a huge demand for VHS repairman, so Alex was stuck applying for jobs he really had no business applying for. He was either extremely overqualified or reprehensively under-qualified for all of them. Nevertheless, Alex decided to update his resume and apply for some jobs.

Interviewer: “What makes you think you are properly qualified for this position?”

Alex: “Well, I’ve always take pride in my ability to count… and I think I… well sir, I think I have the right personality to make the customers feel comfortable.”

Interviewer: “Very good… And why is it that you think knowing how to count is so crucial to the work we do here?’’

Alex: “Well somebody has to know how to count all the money, right? I mean you can’t be mistaking 100s for 10s, am I right?”

Interviewer: “… Right… Well, Mr.… --- I am terribly sorry I don’t believe I got your name.”

Alex: “My name’s not important right now, just call me Alex.”

Interview: “Alright, well, Mr. Alex, you are aware that this is a SPERM bank, are you not?”

Alex: “Uh… yeah, of course I am. So I… wouldn’t be working with money… as a teller… would I?”
Interviewer: “No sir, although, you would still be working with and handling money, among… other things.”

Alex: “I see… Well, I’ll have to think about it.” Alex got up from his chair and went to shake the interviewer’s hand and hesitated. “Well, better not,” Alex said to himself, “I’ll give you a call when I’ve made my decision.”

Interviewer: “But… What?”

Alex opened the door to the office and was about to exit when he turned back around, “You know what, I think I have a few more questions regarding the job.” He went back to the chair he had previously been seated in and sat down on it.

Alex: “So if I were to work here, I would be in charge of doing what exactly?”

Interviewer: “Semen aggregation.”

Alex: “Uh huh… and days off?”

Interviewer: “We get all the usual’s.... Labor Day, Memorial Day, the fifth night of Passover…”

Alex: “Well, that’s oddly specific but I could work with that. I’ll let my people call your people.”

Interviewer: “You have people?”

Alex: “Don’t worry about it...” He got back up from the chair and headed for the door. Alex stared at the door handle and slowly turned the knob.