EDDIE: What’s up what are you doing chef?
NARRATION: My dad loves to cook. Today, he’s making spinach pie.
He looks like he’s in a good mood so I’m thinking maybe I can talk to him.
EDDIE: Do you love me pa?
DAD: No.
EDDIE: Why not?
DAD: You know why.
EDDIE: I don’t know why.
DAD: oh you don’t know?
NARRATION: Hopefully he’s joking …
EDDIE: Are you disappointed in me that I don’t play soccer anymore?
DAD: I don’t know, I don’t know.
NARRATION: I know he is, but he won’t really talk about it.
EDDIE: Are you disappointed in me?
DAD: What you think?
EDDIE: I don’t know
DAD: what you think?
EDDIE: I don’t know.
DAD: Why you don’t know?
EDDIE: I’m asking you because I don’t know.
DAD: You know everything, why you don’t know.
NARRATION: Soccer is my dad’s passion.
[AUDIO OF SOCCER GAME]
DAD: GOALLLLLLLLLLL
NARRATION: He played for a semi-professional team in Peru. He’s a big strong guy and they used to call him the beast.
[VHS TAPE SOUND]
NARRATION: I found an old videotape of me, I was about four years old, kicking a soccer ball around. My dad’s calling out to me.
VHS TAPE DAD: Edward, como estas…
NARRATION: By the time I was five, I was on my first team. But my dad said I was always scared to get kicked.
EDDIE: When did I first stand out as a player?
MOM: I remember seven years old when you play for Brooklyn Italians, but since you were little, you was wonderful.
NARRATION: My mom said coaches would ask for me to play on their team. I remember during games hearing them say: “guard him, don’t leave him .”
[RED BULLS GAME SOUND]
NARRATION: After each game, I’d replay every mistake and every goal in my mind all day long--in the shower, on the train and in class.
[SCHOOL SOUNDS]
NARRATION: I never felt like I was supposed to be in school. While everybody else was learning and getting smarter, I felt dumb. But as soon as I walked onto the soccer field I was away from everything, I felt free, doing something I loved.
[RED BULLS GAME SOUND]
NARRATION: By the time I was 13 I got selected by the New York Red Bulls academy. My mom told me the coaches said I could go pro.
EDDIE: Did you dream of me being a professional soccer player?
MOM: My dream? No. Your father’s dream, but it’s not my dream to be a professional
NARRATION: My dad dedicated 20 hours a week taking me to practice and games. He had this air horn he’d blow every time I scored a goal.
[GAME SOUND WITH AIR HORN]
NARRATION: But if I had a bad game, he’d say, “you have the most experience, but you looked like la peor basura---the worst garbage on the field.” He’d make it seem like my whole future was over. To him, soccer was my future, to make money playing and support my family. We never talked about school.
EDDIE: Did you know I wasn’t doing good in school?
ELY: Yeah, I always knew.
NARRATION: That’s my big sister Ely.
ELY: How am I not going to know if my mom is always calling me to cry? That you didn’t go to school that you were doing this, that.
EDDIE: And did you do anything to help me?
ELY: No, cause do you guys listen? No. Nobody listens what you were going to tell me. I’m seventeen, I’m eighteen, I know what I’m doing. Pero no saben lavar su ropa.
NARRATION: What she thinks I don’t know how to wash my clothes? Well, I don’t really, cause my mom is always looking out for me. So she didn’t tell my dad I was cutting a lot and failing most of my classes.
MOM: You know what is his reaction? If I tell him… hmmmm
NARRATION: She used to ask me “if you break a leg what are you gonna do when soccer’s over and you don’t have an education?” Maybe she jinxed me because when I was 14 my left ankle got stepped on during a practice. I had to get carried off the field. After a month of physical therapy, I felt desperate to play again because I was afraid to lose my spot. I came back too early. I was never able to play the same. When I knew my chance of becoming a professional was fading, I felt hopeless.
EDDIE: Tu te requerdas quando yo jugava futbol?
NARRATION: I asked my grandma if she remembers when I used to play soccer?
GRANDMA: Claro, eres un estrella pero ahora es estrallado
NARRATION: She always says that to me. You were a star, but now, you’re shattered.
GRANDMA: Claro, eres un estrella pero ahora es estrallado
NARRATION: When my dad and I are watching soccer, he’ll say “that could’ve been you, now what are you doing?” I try not to let it get to me… because, it makes me feel like a failure… a little bit. Two years ago, I realized time was passing by and I was still failing school. Nobody was going to pass my classes for me, I had to do it for myself.
[GRADUATION SOUNDS]
NARRATION: And finally, at 20 years old I’m the first person in my family to graduate from high school. And now, I’m starting college. I do miss soccer but I’m moving forward - my dad, I feel like he’s still stuck in the past because we’ve never talked about it.
EDDIE: Good morning Pa.
DAD: Buenos Dias.
We’re in the car on our way to visit my sister.
EDDIE: how do you feel that my mom never told you that I wasn’t doing good in school?
DAD [IN SPANISH]
TRANSLATOR: look, I knew you were not doing well. I knew it was because of futbol because I was like that – I was passionate about futbol and school did not matter.
NARRATION: For the first time, he’s not attacking me--we’re actually talking.
DAD [IN SPANISH]
TRANSLATOR: But when you stopped playing I realized it was a big mistake to not to react. That was my mistake.
NARRATION: I wasn’t expecting him to admit that because he’d always just blame me or my mom.
You know he’s right, he could have done something about it and he should have. But I could’ve just gone to school and done my work.
EDDIE: And how did you help me in soccer?
DAD [IN SPANISH]
TRANSLATOR: Don’t think that because you see me cry I’m crying because I’m sad. No, it’s coming from a place of emotion remembering the past. And for all the effort that I made and it seems it went bad because nothing went well for you or for anyone.
NARRATION: Hearing him say that makes me feel like I spent all that time, all my parents money, and at the end of the day it was for nothing. My dad always wanted me to be better than him. And I want that too…. But now… I’m trying to do it my own way.
EDDIE: I appreciate everything that you gave me that you still give me …. and … I love you
DAD: I love you too… ciao
NARRATION: For WNYC I’m rookie reporter Edward Munoz