1. Twelves are the New Face of America. The U.S. Census Bureau estimated there will be 21 million kids between the ages of 10 and 14 in the U.S. this year. This group of tweens is on the leading edge of a big demographic shift. Minorities will comprise more than half of all children by 2023. In New York City, there are almost 92,000 12-year-olds, based on local census data from 2010.
2. They’re on the Move. In New York City, 12 is the age when kids tend to travel alone more often. The city's Department of Education says there are 225,000 students attending public schools in sixth, seventh and eighth grades; 20 percent of them attend schools outside their local districts. No wonder we see so many kids lugging huge backpacks on the buses and subways.
3. Bodies are Changing. Puberty strikes. Some traditional signs of puberty have shifted earlier for girls, such as breast development, but the average age of menstruation still hovers right around 12 years old. This is when hormone levels also spike for boys — the first facial hairs may sprout. And acne is an equal opportunity visitor, announcing that change has arrived.
4. Brains are Changing More. Scientists say the brain changes more during early adolescence than at any time, except the early years of zero to three. The prefrontal cortex of the brain, which controls rational thought, is still developing. As a result, tweens have a hard time controlling their impulses and can be very emotional. But there is an upside to the chaos. “They are adaptable at this age,” said Derick Spaulding, principal of a middle school in the Bronx. “They come in with a set of ideas, but a set of ideas that are amendable and moldable, to a degree.”
5. Sex. Lots of Talk, Little Action. Sex at 12 does not involve much, but it's definitely a hot topic. "It’s that period when, even if someone has told them they are a sexual being, it sinks in what that means. People are viewing them differently and responding to them differently and they are noticing it," said Logan Levkoff, a Ph.D. in sex ed. Fewer than 2 percent of adolescents have had sexual intercourse by the time they reach 12, according to federal data. Much more likely to happen at 12: a first kiss. Levkoff says it's a wonderful time for parents to talk to their kids — and to listen. Research shows that teens make better decisions about sex when parents are involved in their lives and they have access both to reliable information and birth control. "In this world, where they are exposed to so much through the media, kids are starting to act on their desires, or there’s pressure to be acting on things," she said. "Parents have to decide what values they want to impart to their kids."
6. Trouble Makers, But Not Troubled. Since tweens are programmed to take more risks, it's not surprising that suspensions rise dramatically at this age. In New York City, there were 19,703 suspensions from middle school during the 2012-13 school year. This was 37 percent of all suspensions that year, even though middle school students accounted for 20 percent of all public school pupils. While they’re getting into more trouble, the risks of really unhealthy activity have fallen. Overall, drug, cigarette and alcohol usage has declined among children 13 and under, according to a national study. Just about 19 percent of teens reported drinking before the age of 13 and 9 percent said they smoked.
7. Moods: Boy, Do They Swing. It's typical for kids at this age to feel things with new intensity. Emotions can sneak up and overwhelm. Drama is the new normal, as any middle school teacher can attest. It's also a time for adults to watch for more serious mood changes. "It’s an age when problems like depression and general anxiety and other mental health issues may start to emerge in people who are at risk,” according to Jill Harkavy-Friedman, an associate psychiatry professor at Columbia University and vice president of research for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Social pressures, bullying, academic frustrations — any or all of these can tip a vulnerable child over the edge if they don't have support. Luckily, Harkavy-Friedman adds, the number of suicides among kids 12 and younger is still extremely low.
8. Crunch Time in School. Homework starts to pile up in middle school and kids feel more pressure. New York City public school students have to apply to high school in the fall of eighth grade, a very competitive process, which means their classroom performance and test scores from seventh grade matter a lot. Scores on state exams tend to drop during middle school as the classroom work gets harder.
9. Middle School Mediocrity. Because test scores tend to lag, experts have worried for decades about these middle years. Middle schools were created in the 1960s to give adolescents more attention, replacing junior high schools. So it's common to see middle school classrooms with clustered desks to encourage discussion, and to have scheduled time in the week to debate social issues and current events. Some middle schools handle the social-emotional component well but others don't, sometimes with serious consequences. “This is the age when they get disengaged, they get angry,” said New York City's Chancellor Carmen Fariña, who has been trying to share successful middle school strategies across the system.
10. Buying Power. Tweens buy a lot of stuff — or at least their parents do — and they set trends. American kids ages 9 to 13 are responsible for $200 billion in sales a year, according to a 2013 study. That’s a lot of music, clothing, shoes, makeup and snacks, not to mention video games which make up 30 percent of all spending. Music, alone, counts for 10 percent of all those sales. This largely because of Disney's radio network and TV shows. It was tweens, after all, who fueled the frenzy around bestsellers like the Twilight and Hunger Games book and movie series.
11. Peers Rule. Kids this age place a lot of stock in what their peers think. Family still matters, but friends matter a lot more. It's a time in life to experiment with identity. It's when kids may change their hair or style, dump old friends and make new ones, only to do it all over again a few months later. The high-stakes social drama can lead to bullying of vulnerable kids who don’t fit in well.
12. Digital Natives. Tweens have been digital since birth. They usually have their own cell phones by age 12, enabling them access to nearly every form of media. Although most social media websites and certain games won’t allow them to join until they are 13, due to the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act, that’s easy enough to get around. The site Common Sense Media advises parents to talk to their kids about what they are looking at online, but also to keep an eye on it, just in case they aren't giving you the whole picture.
Face it parents, your opinion probably doesn’t matter as much as it used to but don't give up. Your 12-year-old still needs and craves your guidance. They just don't want to admit it.
With reporting help from Gwynne Hogan